From "The Retreat" (805-483-3104): Subboard - "The Hall Of Fame" Message # 2. Date: 07/22/89. Time: 20:43:11. Read 327 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : All Subj : ONE MEGABYTE OF MARGINS! THIS IS IT, everyone! This message marks the posting of my Millionth character! Due to the inaccuracy of the average message length information, I can't narrow down the exact character, but I can get close... !!! GAVISCON !!! One of the letters in my name is it! ___/\-__________<--_-< Hazzah! Hazzah! Hazzah! (Somehow I figured there'd be more) I gnow! A fireworks show for ANSI peoples! _____________________________________________________________________________ /---\/ /\\___//\\v^.. ../\I' @--:. # '\\/..* \/ / # * | Ah well, I never was good at that anyway, was I?<----- But THAT is memorable! !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Megabyte of Margins @=- ___/ ___/ /| | The "Pi Guy" /| | | | | | -) FTAS (- -> FTAS <- -) FTAS (- -| FTAS |- -( FTAS )- -< FTAS >- -( FTAS )- -| FTAS |- Comments : HAHAHA=1 BRAVO!=2 Message # 3. Date: 08/19/89. Time: 03:09:40. Read 422 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : All Subj : My last message on Hack's Retreat! Bye everyone! This is the last message I'll post in the Tavern for a while... I haven't too much to say, and I'd rather not spend too much time saying it. Keep Obfuscating, guys. Im glad to see it hasn't died out in five years. The art is more powerful than Margining. (And has a higher longevity) Do any of you think, perhaps, that Berkeley attracts select Obfuscate represenatives? First, the one, true, most omniscient Obfuscate, Lex Luthor, gets pulled out of Ventura County's local area, and origin of the Obfuscates, and now I am being pulled, similarly, a represenative of my generation of Obfuscates. Lex left for Berkeley at almost the same time I began getting into Gnome's Cas- tle. (Sort of like the Father Time/Baby New Year turnover) Maybe it's just a coincidence, but I think Hack Man and the others should pay extra close attention to any new user who maight start calling in the near future. Obfuscation will be running through his/her veins! I bid you all a farewell, may you never bid for welfare! Hack Man: Thanks for running the board. I'd not feel complete without a place for us Obfuscates. Look for my book someday. I hope it's a best seller... B Y E E V E R Y O N E ! !!! GAVISCON !!! ___/ ___/ -=@ Margin Master @=- /| | The "Pi Guy" /| | -) FTAS (- --==OBFUSCATE==-- | | | | /extra pickles, please! Comments : WAY!=1 BLOWS!=1 PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 10. Date: 07/12/90. Time: 03:15:48. Read 200 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : All or Nothing Subj : Able was I ere I saw Berkeley :The following message was promoted to the Hall of Fame for the sole purpose :of the completion of Gaviscon's "final quest". This "final quest" was to :post at least one message one every subboard (except the all-female board & :the sysop's board, both of which he doesn't have access to) that did, in- :deed fit the subject of that subboard. He had to find an old message that :could be promoted instead of writing a new one because, frankly, that's how :it works! Somebody's got to go dust the daisies. They're getting mighty dirty. I'm not responsible, but I'm dusting them off anyway. With my mop in hand, and feather duster, I swab a few sequoias and polish a plant 'till it's pretty and pristine. Nature invented dew and breezes to let the flowers stay clean... But I still think She needs help. When the maids of the universe come gnocking on my door, I'll send them on next door, for my chrysanthemums are clean. Whoah! Wait! What's that? Purple snakes dancing on a barstool! Where am I? Ah! Falco! Nice to see you... Hmm... Yes, I plan to buy something. No, I'm not just loitering. Get me a Double Demon Rider! And make it a double! What? Oh! That's right! It already IS a double. Well, make it a single, then. NO. Forget that. Get me a Pine Sol Daqueri, hold the Sol. What? Can't do that? You've been serving drinks to Obfuscates for umpteen and a half years! You of all people... er, I mean half-ogre's, ought to be able to take such a request. Why, I ought to... OOOH! Ouch. Sorry. Yes, I see you were right all along. The error of my ways lies open before me like a golden field of dandelions and a ton of bricks on my head. Just get me a fuschiafruit cocktail... YES! THERE IS SUCH A THING as a fuschiafru, Oh get me a beer... ... ... Hold the mug. !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- Comments : HAHAHA=1 #10. Message # 12. Date: 02/06/89. Time: 16:52:28. Read 149 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : The Music Man Subj : Guns RECEIVED Guns don't kill people... ...Bullets kill people. (The guns just make them go very very fast.) !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- -Trapped on Terra. Comments : WAY!=1 HAHAHA=103 Message # 13. Date: 28/29/09. Time: 17:30:34. Read 153 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : ANSIs Subj : Non-ANSI users can effectively ignore me. ____| \_/ | | | | | __________________________________________________________| d SCORE! (Don't you wish you could shoot a ball like that?) _________________||||_________________||||___ __ _________| Message # 14. Date: 03/02/89. Time: 14:08:39. Read 147 Times. From : HACK MAN To : peggy Subj : ANOTHER TEST RECEIVED HERE IS ANOTHER TEST. CLEAR THE SCREEN? (Y/N) : CHANGE TO RED? (Y/N)? : TURN ON BLINK? (Y/N) : DOINK! WHITE BACKGROUND? (Y/N) : BEEP A LOT? (Y/N) : PI MODE? (Y/N) : 3.14159265 0 MORE? (Y/N) : I'M GLAD YOU WANTED MORE... BUT THERE ISN'T ANY! READ MESSAGE AGAIN? (Y/N) : C- - - Message # 16. Date: 02/01/91. Time: 09:02:33. Read 187 Times. From : Gizmo To : Gavison, I finally found Subj : Merry XMAS, a little late PERMIFIED I finally found it! my 1.5 yr quest is over!!! 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a peripheral was stirring, not even a mouse; The modem was hung by the keyboard with care In hopes that a download soon would be there. The pirates were nestled all snug in their beds While visions of unprotects danced in their heads. And Kathleen in her kerchief, and I in my cap Had just settled down for a long winter's nap, When up on the hard drive there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the monitor I flew like a flash, Sat down at the keyboard, gave the spacebar a mash. The sight on the screen, a'flicker with snow Gave the luster of power surge to the menu below. When, what to my wandering eyes should appear, But an autoexec.bat that seemed rather queer. With a little print driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment I had seen a new trick. More rapid than eagles my curser it came; My voice box whistled, and shouted, and called me by name. "Now format, now rename, copy, and enter! On num lock, on caps lock, on scroll lock, and printer. To the top of the page, to the top of the doc, Now tab it and bold it and merge it and block." As utilities that build up the CPU speed Clash with just the programs I need, So up to the screen top the curser it flew With a RAM full of memory and an extension board too. And then, in a twinkling I heard on the speaker, The grinding of the hard drive growing much weaker. As I tried to reboot and turn it around, The attributes changed from blue into brown. I hit the control, the alt, and delete. The message it gave me, I cannot repeat. It asked me to Ignore, Retry, or Abort. It told me the parallel had become the comm port. Its lights how they twinkled; its pixels how merry. Its prompts were all scrambled, like a bowl full of cherries. It sounded just like it wanted to blow; The screen was suddenly white as the snow. It scrolled the directory before my eyes With programs I didn't even recognize. It wouldn't see D; it wouldn't see E. I couldn't get out of B into C. Norton's tried to read it; It finally found the FAT; But alas!, the disk was faulty, And couldn't reformat. Away flew the DBase; Away flew the Doses; Away flew the WordStar; Right out with the Windows. The spreadsheets were spreading; The footers were heading; What once had been memory Was close to forgetting. When the grinding was over And the smoke had all cleared, I looked at the unit, And it was just as I feared. The 40 meg wonder had crashed in the night. I'll never be able to block out that sight! So tell everyone to avoid my plight; Back up! Back up! Merry Christmas! Good Night! heheheh the pirates were sleeping with visions of unprotects? I suppose visions of cracks would imply a whole other concept! hahah! ___ ___ ___Gizmo___ Message # 17. Date: 01/08/91. Time: 01:16:00. Read 221 Times. From : Lynx To : All Subj : Doink part II! PERMIFIED [32m[48m[33;63H[50;24H Comments : WAY!=2 NO WAY!=2 HAHAHA=2 BLOWS!=1 Message # 20. Date: 04/20/91. Time: 09:48:07. Read 191 Times. From : Ubik To : Unka Buck Subj : copywriting RECEIVED PERMIFIED Hey your right, We should all have full access to gizmo. On second thought, maybe it would be better if we just had him thoroughly copyrighted for our own protection. Ubik Comments : WAY!=23 HAHAHA=103 BLOWS!=1 #20. Message # 21. Date: 05/05/91. Time: 21:35:45. Read 184 Times. From : Lynx To : BINKISTS! Subj : DOINK! PERMIFIED !K!NK!INK!BINK! BINK! BINK! BINK! BINK! BINK! BINK! BINK! BINK! BINK! BINK! BINK![0;0H-- --- --- | | | \ *[0;0H | > | | | |\| |< |[0;0H -- --- --- | | | \ *[0;0H -- --- --- | | | / |[0;0H | > | | | |\| |< |[0;0H -- --- --- | | | \ *[0;0H-----\----------< SPLAT! ***************************************************** Comments : WAY!=5001 HAHAHA=105 RASPBERRYS=1 BLOWS!=5 OBFUSCATED=1 HUH?=1 DOINK=1 WHO CARES=1 BRAVO!=3 Message # 22. Date: 05/24/91. Time: 10:18:15. Read 166 Times. From : Gizmo To : Subj : RECEIVED PERMIFIED ignore this message Message # 23. Date: 11/30/89. Time: 04:11:28. Read 184 Times. From : HACK MAN To : ALL Subj : NEW DEFINITION PERMIFIED SOME OF YOU MAY GNOW AN INTERESTING FACT ABOUT IBM COMPATIBLE COMPUTERS. THE IBMS KEEP TRACK OF TIME OF DAY BY A COUNTER THAT COUNTS 18.20676 TIMES EVERY SECOND. THE COUNTER STARTS AT 0 (AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT) AND COUNTS UP TO 1573064 AND THEN RESETS. WHEN YOU TYPE "TIME" A FANCY ALGORYTHM TAKES THIS NUMBER AND CONVERTS IT INTO HOURS : MINUTES : SECONDS. I HAD TO USE THIS NUMBER (1 / 18.20676TH (OR .0549247)) IN THE NEW VERSION OF MY BBS - SO I HAD TO FIND A NAME FOR IT. THIS FRACTION HAD TO BE DEFINED. AFTER CONSULTING WITH TMM IT WAS DETERMINED THAT THIS FRACTION SHOULD FOREVER BE GNOWN AS A "DINKY". SO - HERE ARE SOME IMPORTANT CONVERSION FIGURES FOR YOU. 1 DAY = 1573064 DINKY SECONDS (ALSO GNOWN AS DINKYS). 1 DINKY MILE = 290 FEET 0.0261 INCHES. 1 DINKY HOUR = 3 MINUTES 17.7288 SECONDS. 1 JIFFY = 3.295479 DINKYS (DINKY SECONDS). (NOTE 1 SECOND = 60 JIFFYS). 1 DINKY = 197.7288 INSTANTS (NOTE 60 INSTANTS IN A JIFFY). 1 DINKY INCH = 1.395086 MILLIMETERS. AND OF COURSE 1 DOINK = 18.20676 DINKY DOINKS. Comments : OBFUSCATED=1 BRAVO!=1 Message # 24. Date: 03/11/90. Time: 20:07:18. Read 203 Times. From : Lynx To : all Subj : Wah! PERMIFIED ----- doink SPLAT Lynx Comments : OBFUSCATED=1 Message # 25. Date: 06/12/91. Time: 23:49:34. Read 172 Times. From : Unka Buck To : Mitey Byte Subj : LIFE IN GENERAL RECEIVED PERMIFIED Life is better at 300 baud. Think of all the great 300 baudist throughout history. Socrates-- "The 2400 baud life is not worth living." Abe Lincoln-- "4 score and 300 baud ago..." J. F. K.-- "Ask not what 1200 baud can do for you, but what you can do at 300 baud." F. D. R.-- "We have nothing to fear but baud rates higher than 300." Teddy Roosevelt-- "Talk softly, but call at 300 baud." Hamlet-- "300 baud, or not 300 baud; that is the question." Capt. James T. Kirk-- "These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise, whose 300 baud mission..." the list goes on../. -UNKA BUCK- --==OBFUSCATE==-- Comments : HAHAHA=77 BRAVO!=103 Message # 26. Date: 07/01/91. Time: 12:42:50. Read 132 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : Those who wish to gnow... Subj : Able was I ere I saw Berkeley II PERMIFIED The sun sets early Everything's backward The moon rises late You gnow it's all right Straight becomes curly For normal's absurd Curly becomes straight Dark should be light Violet turns to red Should logic prevail And cities decay Then two squared is four Life will soon be dead And my world would fail As skies turn to gray But then so should war An old coffee cup Where squares are now round Once broken in two Is where I shall appear Starts rising up I'll never be found With entropic glue But until then, look here: All pencils erase Gaviscon Aviscenna With sharpened point tips P.O. Box 4735 And turkeys say grace Berkeley, CA 94704-4735 From their own hungry lips United States of America, Earth !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- Comments : BRAVO!=1 Message # 27. Date: 06/26/91. Time: 19:37:51. Read 164 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : HACK MAN Subj : PURPLE SNAKES DANCING ON A BAR STOOL!!!!! RECEIVED Sure, check this out: ( ) ) ( ( ) ====== ====== \/ \/ It's Axel /\ /\ and Fiat, the | | | | acrobatic pur- | | | | ple snakes! (Axel) (Fiat) )( )( )( ( )( )( ) )( ) ( )( ( )( )( ) )( /( )( / )( ) / __ __ \ __ \ \__ \ \ / \ / ) __ _( _( / ) ( ) FiatAxel( / )( ) ( )( ( )( )( ) )( ) ( )( ( )( )( ) )( ) ( )(() ( )( ) )( ) ( )(( )( )( ) \ ( )( ) )( ) / ( )( ( )( ) \ ( )( ) )( ) / ( )( __ )( ) __ ( )( \_ )( ) \ ( )( \ )( ) \ \ ( )( ( )( ) Axel) Fiat( )( __ )( ) __ ( )( ( )( ) ) ( )( ( )( ) )( )( ) ( ( )( )( ) )( )( )( ( )( )( ) )( )( )( ( )( )( ) )( )( )( ( )( )( ) )( )( )( Comments : BLOWS!=1 OBFUSCATED=31416 BRAVO!=142 Message # 28. Date: 06/27/91. Time: 18:57:35. Read 155 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : Anyone who cares. Subj : Plug outlets You gnow, when I get everything set up at Berkeley, I have a tremendous problem with plug outlets. I mean, I've got a monitor, a computer and a printer, all which need to be plugged into a three-pronged outlet. The plug for the modem is one of those huge blocks that you have to plug in to just the right socket, so it doesn't take up two outlets. Then, I also have to plug in all of my stereo components: a tuner, a cassette player, and a CD player. And now, I've got a FAX machine that I'll need to plug in. Then, to complicate things, there is the issue of lights... At least one near the computer, plus two others elsewhere in the room. Now, there's also my clock-radio, which will need a plug outlet. And, we also have to find space for the VCR that my roommate owns, since we plug that directly into my computer monitor to turn it into a television. (I almost forgot about that!) Adding that up, I need to have an absolute minimum of TEN plug outlets in one area! Plus, I will need a total of thirteen or fourteen for my entire room. That's not so much of a problem, since it only means about three more elsewhere in the room, and I should have more outlets on another wall, but the ten that I need in one small area is a problem. I'll need a surge protector plugged into another surge protector! Is that dangerous? God! I could be killed! !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- \/()\/===()=\/=()=\/ =()=\/ <>=<=>>==<=>=<== \/=()= =()=\/<<>=>===\/=()=go er el=()=\/ nta=()=\/<=\/=()=o not|_\/a_| o\/t|_\/a\/=()=noab\/=()=l f\/=()=oaug\/=()=elt <\/==()=vtct<=\/=()=tre \/=()= aheT|_\/e_|h \/T|_\/e\/=()= le\/>()=t =to\/=()= ete\/=()=a Th\/=()=g.ve\/=()=raed=()= , yi th\//\\///\\//\\/, /\\//\\//\\/ /\\//\\//\\//\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\ /\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ri\//\\//\ f\//\\//\us\//\\//\ t\//\\//\e \//\\//\ve\//\\//\av\//\\//\ t\//\\//\he\//\\//\Th\//\\//\ T\//\\//\. \//\\//\ ug\//\\//\ a\//\\//\ye\//\\//\ug\//\\//\t \//\\//\e'\//\\//\to\//\\//\tl\//\\//\t \//\\//\lu\//\\//\en\//\\//\ee\//\\//\te\//\\//\rt\//\\//\ou\//\\//\ f\//\\//\nl\//\\//\ut\//\\//\ro\//\\//\ I\//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\ -\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ \//\\//\ -(Darn computer bugs!) Comments : BLOWS!=1 BRAVO!=158 Message # 36. Date: 07/30/91. Time: 20:08:35. Read 153 Times. From : Gviscon viscenn To : TMM Subj : Silhouettes in the Deluge... RECEIVED Mr. Music, I'm going to compose this document, you see, without the use of the letter you pro- scribed. My intentions extend even furthur in my post. My communique is here but without my common whim of fitting in my words with those indecorous, stretched, unsightly lines, simply built with this full screen editor. Only one void between words inside this post! I perform my deed show- ing not only the common exhibitions, but exotic designs more obscure. I desire to be recognised for my posts but I wish others to seize my words for the incentives it'll inspire in them. (More) !!! The Pi Guy !!! -=@ Border Expert @=- MOVED FROM "THE OBFUSCATORIUM" BY HACK MAN ON 10/21/91 AT 01:33:48 Comments : HAHAHA=42 BLOWS!=2 BRAVO!=118 Message # 37. Date: 08/02/91. Time: 12:50:38. Read 150 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscnna To : TMM? Subj : Shadows in a rain... RECEIVED So, can I fashion a supposition that a post without an "A" in it was difficult, but within normal domains of possibility? Providing a margin form to that post was worst, but I soon found out that this vocabulary's got vast arrays of common synonyms that function similar, just as aptly as most of my words I was choosing. Now that it's all past, I thought that I ought to try to do it again, but not without "A". I could think of additional things to dismiss from this post! I was thinking of not using an "F", but it's both uncommon and also a bit of a boring sym- bol. Plus, by SAYING that I am not using it, I go and print an "F" and so it ruins my mission! But, it isn't too hard to modify an "F" into a similar symbol. Just kidding! I was working on this symbol all along and you gnow it! I'm sorry for trying to trick you. I won't do such a thing again. (Waiting) !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Authority @=- MOVED FROM "THE OBFUSCATORIUM" BY HACK MAN ON 10/21/91 AT 01:34:13 Comments : BLOWS!=2 BRAVO!=159 Message # 38. Date: 11/04/91. Time: 19:00:56. Read 124 Times. From : Ubik To : Subj : tests RECEIVED __ | |< S < S < S ____=__=_____ / \ |=================| | ++++ UBIK ++++ | |=================| | | | /| | | \`o.O' | | =(___)= | | U | | | | ACK! THPTPHH! | | | |=================| | safe when used | | as directed | =================== MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY Mynk Lynx ON 11/06/91 AT 00:17:50 Comments : HAHAHA=100 BLOWS!=1 BRAVO!=100 Message # 39. Date: 07/17/91. Time: 13:46:13. Read 153 Times. From : Gizmo To : HACK MAN Subj : HAVE YOU HUGGED A COMPLETE STRANGER THIS WEEK? RECEIVED PERMIFIED OK. I renounce the bink. Gizmo -=Kloink!=- Gizmo MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY HACK MAN ON 11/07/91 AT 20:49:15 Comments : HAHAHA=100 BLOWS!=1 DOINK=100 Message # 40. Date: 01/11/92. Time: 18:51:59. Read 124 Times. From : THE MUSIC MAN To : whomever Subj : stuph PERMIFIED Obfuscation About Opinion Brief A we which that is It .itself nature in lies obfuscation of nature basic The is It .feel not do but ,sense we which that is It .see not do but perceive is which that ,alas ,is It .comprehend not do but experience we which that ,circumstances other under is still and ,circumstances normal under subjectively is it circumstances other those of some under ,however Divine that point this at is It .not ,therefore ,is and ,for unaccounted ,thereafter experienced continually be will and ,experienced is obfuscation obfuscation point which at ,occurs inevitably enlightenment until ,is that ,occurs obfuscation which by cycle the is This .temporarily ,ceases both experiencing simultaniously of experience unique the one granting and stupidity profound or) realization profound and ignorance profound intricate the in altogether (fitting more is whichever ,intelligence profound never tries obfuscate true A .nature human is that chaos conceptual of flow more and ,flow the with go to but ,flow the create nor ,flow the oppose to own their but ,flow peoples other just Not .flow it let's ,importantly conceptual of flow infinite the of nature the respects obfuscate true A .flow of fruits the blossoms inevitably flow the from that recognizes and ,chaos ,enlightenment inspired spawns obfuscation Elegant .Art ,is that ,creativity to aspire not does obfuscation True .frusteration spawns obfuscation sloppy ,destroy or confuse to out set it does Nor .anyway so do may it but ,annoy was it because not ,transpires inevitably what is Confusion .create to but .place first the in it expecting was nobody because but ,so to intended .folly is else all ,enlightenment for provides obfuscation Divine visualize can obfuscation True .divine not but ,maybe ,Pseudo-obfuscation mere a dismissing ,housefly common a of depths the within from Universe the and ,happen can anything ,point that At .swatted be to needing insect .won't probably The Music Man -=obfuscate=- MOVED FROM "THE OBFUSCATORIUM" BY THE MUSIC MAN ON 01/13/92 AT 15:22:37 Comments : OBFUSCATED=100 #40. Message # 44. Date: 08/05/91. Time: 15:59:20. Read 136 Times. From : HACK MAN To : ALL Subj : WHILE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT PERMIFIED COMPARATIVE RELIGION Taoism : Shit Happens. Confucianism : Confucius say, "Shit Happens." Buddhism : If shit happens, it is not really shit. Zen-Buddhism : What is the sound of shit happening? Hinduism : This shit happened before. Islam : If shit happens, it is the will of allah. Protestantism : Let shit happen to someone else. Catholicism : If shit happens, you deserved it. Judaism : Why does shit always happen to us? C- - - MOVED FROM "SCIENCE & PHILOSOPHY" BY THE MUSIC MAN ON 02/18/92 AT 21:03:14 Comments : HAHAHA=42 BLOWS!=2 DOINK=32760 BRAVO!=1 Message # 47. Date: 02/27/92. Time: 13:57:16. Read 119 Times. From : Mojo IV To : THE MUSIC MAN Subj : stuph RECEIVED PERMIFIED Yes. Dink is better than Bink. Doink is better that Dink. So, Doink is better than bink. MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY THE MUSIC MAN ON 02/29/92 AT 11:22:44 Comments : WAY!=100 Message # 74. Date: 07/09/92. Time: 00:20:22. Read 139 Times. From : Ender G To : ALL Subj : Amazing psychological Discovery! Psychologists, performing test in laboratories, have discovered an amazing effect that the color blue has on people. To demonstrate this effect; The Blue Square below is your friend. It has been proven to make people actually feel better when touching its image on a computer screen in tests conducted by psychologist Dr. Bo Place of the of Berkeley. To use its special effect, simply touch its image, and you will feel very pleasant and happy. ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ Simply touch the Blue Square, and you feel feel more pleasant for the rest of the day. ÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÜ ÛÛEnder GÛÛ ßÛÛÛÛÛÛÛß ßßßßß MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY HACK MAN ON 07/12/92 AT 23:33:03 Comments : BRAVO!=1 Message # 75. Date: 07/28/88. Time: 14:48:10. Read 679 Times. From : SYSOP To : Tasslehoff Burfoot Subj : The Board! RECEIVED PERMIFIED TASS, AS SOON AS YOU GET TIRED OF THE MENUS YOU CAN CHANGE YOUSELF TO XPERT MODE BY USING THE 'S OPTION ON THE MAIN MENU AND ANSWERING 'YES' TO XPERT MODE. THEN YOU WILL ONLY GET MENUS WHEN YOU ASK FOR THEM. I WILL MAKE A WAY TO LIST THE BOARDS. OKCUL8R C- - - MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY HACK MAN ON 08/24/92 AT 19:41:30 Message # 77. Date: 08/24/92. Time: 19:44:30. Read 115 Times. From : HACK MAN To : ALL Subj : THE PREVIOUS MESSAGE THE PREVIOUS MESSAGE WAS SPONTANEOUSLY PROMOTED TO THE HALL OF FAME BY SOME LINE NOISE TODAY WHEN SOMEBODY PICKED UP THE PHONE. I GUESS THE FATES THINK IT BELONGS HERE, SO I WON'T MOVE IT. I BELIEVE THAT WAS MESSAGE #17 ON THE TAVERN, THE OLDEST SURVIVING MESSAGE ON THE TAVERN, SO MAYBE THAT GIVES IT SOME SORT OF FAME AFTER ALL. C- - - Comments : HAHAHA=101 Message # 78. Date: 07/17/92. Time: 01:00:51. Read 129 Times. From : Ender G To : Ned Zep Subj : Y-o RECEIVED I am going to rape the mans wife who uses a small letter for his last initial but a capital letter for his first one at the end of every message. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):) :) :) :) :) :) :):):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):) :) :) :) :) :) :):):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):) :) :) :) :) :) :):):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):):):) :) :) :) :) :) :):):):):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):) :) :) :) :) :) :):):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):):):) :) :) :) :):):):):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):):):):):):):):):):):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):):):):):):):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) Dimetapp makes you sleepy, but very relaxed and mellow happy feeling!! MOVED FROM "3AM CLUB" BY HACK MAN ON 10/23/92 AT 02:28:00 Comments : HAHAHA=101 Message # 82. Date: 08/07/91. Time: 21:26:14. Read 113 Times. From : Ubik To : HACK MAN Subj : pizza RECEIVED HEY HACKMAN How about imagining that Santino's screwed up and schedualed a strippers convention for the same night? ***===========================================================*** * ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| * * o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o * * O O O O O O O O O O * *===============================================================* * * * -------- | | |\ | -------- ||| * * | | | | | \ | | | ||| * * | | |-----| | \ | | | ||| * * | | | | | \ | | | * * -------- | | | \| -------- 0 * * * *===============================================================* * ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| ||| * * o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o * * O O O O O O O O O O * ***===========================================================*** UBIK! --==OBFUSCATE==-- HaHaHa! MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 05/22/93 AT 02:00:02 Comments : DOINK=1 BRAVO!=100 Message # 84. Date: 04/29/93. Time: 14:39:00. Read 115 Times. From : HACK MAN To : ALL Subj : GUIDE TO STRANGE FEELINGS PERMIFIED dejavu: It seems like this has happened before vujade: It seems like this has never happened before vudeja: It seems like this is always happening vujavu: It seems like nothing ever happens dejade: It seems like everything is happening at once javude: It seems like nothing ever happens to me devuja: It seems like everything always happens to me jadeja: It seems like everything has already happened C- - - MOVED FROM "THE OBFUSCATORIUM" BY Gravebuster ON 05/22/93 AT 12:28:24 Comments : HAHAHA=23 BRAVO!=100 Message # 85. Date: 08/15/91. Time: 11:39:42. Read 123 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : All Subj : Gaviscon's final message of Summer, 1991! PERMIFIED So, I must be departing now. But, I certainly enjoyed seeing all of you. I am glad that there are still Obfuscates who truly can type well. I am off, then. I can leave with a dream to laugh at Obfuscation as far as I'll go. And whoever I meet I will be entirely confusing & vague to them in memory of Hack Man & friends here at the good old Retreat. I'll be around and you shall see me at Christmas. So, I'm really just attempting to take leave of my census for some time or maybe I am too Obfuscated to gnow what I'll do. I am a bit sad at leaving, but even more anxious to go home. Bye! (More) !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- --==Obfuscate /EXtrodinare==-- - \ | / Comments : BRAVO!=142 Message # 90. Date: 01/18/93. Time: 12:57:39. Read 98 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : Bozo Subj : 90210 RECEIVED PERMIFIED Ah yes! Now you're learning! That was good! Severe shock to the Brady Bunch Defensive system. You actually had me angry for 4.7 femtoseconds there. I'm impressed. Don't stop with 90210, though. I'm sure there are plenty more insults that will work even better. The Luke Perry thing was slipping a bit back into your homosexual ideation, but that guy is so positively icky that the merest glimmer that someone might actually believe I watch that show raised my blood temperature half a dregree! Let's see... I believe I'm obligated to return with a retort, am I not? Um... Let's see if I can think of a good one... You gnow... I'm a good instructuralist... But what they say about teaching what you can't do must be correct. (And don't say that I must teach sex ed- ucation classes, because that's too easy.) Well, then, Mr. Bozo, I must say that you are a speck of dust on the air of disappointment. If only half the universe is laughing behind your back, it is only because the other half is in front of your back. You'd be the per- fect candidate for cryogenic experimentation, because not only do even mag- gots avoid you, but your blood is already at sub-zero temperatures, and no one would miss your absence over the next hundred years. You're a waste of skzo. If you were reduced toeperate pipiles of ur component elements, not only would the sight be more interesting, but the conversations with you would be, too. If you took an SAT, you'd score 190. Face it, Bozo. The only reason anyone puts up with your existance is because they gnew if you were dead, no one would bother to do anything with the body. At least while you are animate, there's the possibility that you will walk away. And the only reason I'm stopping this paragraph is because it's pointless to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man. !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- -There's really no satisfaction in this line of work, you gnow? MOVED FROM "WAR BOARD" BY HACK MAN ON 06/05/93 AT 01:57:02 Comments : WAY!=2 HAHAHA=1 BRAVO!=1 #90. Message # 121. Date: 11/10/92. Time: 10:23:29. Read 78 Times. From : Mynk Lynx To : HACK DOINK Subj : Another Fine Message from RACKA You SUCK! On 11-10-92 at 10:12:36. Mynk Lynx --==OBFUSCATE==-- Xnyl Knym p.s. Suckton meter = 0621506649780831935330 MOVED FROM "CO-SYSOP'S BOARD" BY The Music Man ON 06/07/93 AT 14:47:09 Message # 146. Date: 05/09/93. Time: 16:31:24. Read 80 Times. From : Mynk Lynx To : HACK DOINK Subj : Another Fine Message from RACKA You SUCK! On 5-09-93 at 16:25:07. Mynk Lynx --==OBFUSCATE==-- Xnyl Knym p.s. Suckton meter = 5173987180655103038363 MOVED FROM "CO-SYSOP'S BOARD" BY The Music Man ON 06/07/93 AT 14:50:30 Message # 147. Date: 05/10/93. Time: 21:56:36. Read 83 Times. From : Mynk Lynx To : HACK DOINK Subj : Another Fine Message from RACKA You SUCK! On 5-10-93 at 21:49:24. Mynk Lynx --==OBFUSCATE==-- Xnyl Knym p.s. Suckton meter = 6150396123207460420937 MOVED FROM "CO-SYSOP'S BOARD" BY The Music Man ON 06/07/93 AT 14:50:36 Message # 148. Date: 05/21/93. Time: 14:41:38. Read 83 Times. From : Mynk Lynx To : HACK DOINK Subj : Another Fine Message from RACKA You SUCK! On 5-21-93 at 14:32:54. Mynk Lynx --==OBFUSCATE==-- Xnyl Knym p.s. Suckton meter = 9006846311966831061066 MOVED FROM "CO-SYSOP'S BOARD" BY The Music Man ON 06/07/93 AT 14:50:47 Message # 166. Date: 08/07/93. Time: 02:29:47. Read 105 Times. From : HACK MAN To : The Music Man Subj : Hey!! RECEIVED PERMIFIED IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT IIII TTTT IIII TTTT IIII TTTT IIII TTTT IIII TTTT IIII TTTT IIII TTTT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII TTTT C- - - MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY The Music Man ON 08/07/93 AT 19:29:56 Message # 198. Date: 08/15/93. Time: 19:39:03. Read 82 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : Arwen and Yellowbeard Subj : Congrats to U PERMIFIED Hey now to the people who are now the blessed and proud parents of a baby boy! Congratualtions, you two! It is real cool. I hope that he likes my present when you show it to him. It is, of course, a teddy bear I made from all-natural fiber optic signals and a new brand of characters. This is safe for your child and hypo-alergenic too! Anyway, I am happy to hear about Matthew Cory Tetrick, but I think his you should think about the name we picked out for the tyke... Alex Obfuscita Dill- usia Von Doinknob Penguati Etc X-ile Tetrick. (I decided that I should let you at least keep the last name) It's a lovely name and we've been putting so much effort into it. Well, congratulations, one more time. I hope he brings you many loud sleepless...Er, I mean smiles. !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- -Ooops! I got a teddy bear that doesn't quite fit in the box! MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY The Music Man ON 08/16/93 AT 01:23:47 Comments : BRAVO!=100 Message # 214. Date: 08/17/93. Time: 10:59:32. Read 97 Times. From : HACK MAN To : IFNI Subj : Ifni RECEIVED IFNI Message # 218. Date: 08/25/93. Time: 13:51:12. Read 78 Times. From : Gravebuster To : HACK MAN Subj : HAPPY BIRTHDAY RECEIVED HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! DOINK!HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! DOINK!HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HACKMAN YOU SUCK!HACKY DOINKDAY TO YOU!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK! DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK! DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK! DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK! DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK! DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK! DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK!DOINK! A forty-two DOINK! salute! +++Gravebuster --==by the way, I still don't have your present yet. Blasted mail order companies!==-- MOVED FROM "EMAIL" BY HACK MAN ON 08/23/93 AT 03:03:23 Message # 219. Date: 07/15/93. Time: 02:36:05. Read 103 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : All Subj : My day in Kla-MATH, Part I PERMIFIED My day in Kla-MATH, Part I: "ARRIVAL" Gaviscon had never been to Oregon, but it looked exactly as he had always pictured it: Green. Calfornia had lots of green, especially near Mount Shasta and Lake Tahoe, but Oregon was all green. California's green always seemed rationed discreetly amongst a yellow background. Even when California was all green, he expected that if he were to cut some of it out, there would be yellow underneath. Oregon was green on top of green on top of more green. And Gav hated it. He liked Portland, though. Portland was a gray and white swath, cut violently out of the green background. Portland, in turn, was cut by a dark river that never moved. And Portland had candy, who was just visiting for a month. She'd asked Gav to relieve her of her boredom. But once he got there, candy had found some people who would believe in her and he suddenly realized that he never had much more to offer her than that. What use was he in a world that believed more and more in a distraught little terror like candy? Well, one day, he thought to himself, they'll realize that she's not real. Then, she'll only have me again. Thoughts like these wafted through his mind as he navigated his intersteller speeder along the Interstate 5. He could have simply flown straight home from Oregon at supersonic speeds, but he always got lost on large continents, and could never figure out the FA laws concerning that sort of thing. As it was, he'd been skimming along at 80 miles per hour anyway, hoping that no legal authorities would mind. His stolen cloking device had been stuck on "Red Hyundai mode" for years and it bothered him that it was the sort of red that immediately attracted the attention of the local Highway Patrol. "I must remember to thank Mahogony when I get back," he reminded himself. The speeder took voice commands, so it wasn't necessary for Gaviscon to be able to touch anything to operate it. That was fortunate as Gaviscon hadn't been able to touch a thing since he'd died so long ago. (YES! THAT WAS A NOT-SO-SUBTLE PLOT MESSAGE FOR THE BENEFIT OF THOSE WHO MIGHT NOT HAVE GNOWN THAT!) "Dead men don't push buttons," Jeri had said, and the speeder had a lot of buttons. Thank God for the voice commands. But Thank Mahogony for the bit of magic that allowed the speeder to carry Gaviscon's insubstantial image. The realm of magic was called something like "subliminus psychologus" or something. What- ever, it worked. "Hey," remarked Gaviscon aloud, "Arwen and Yellowbeard have been docked in Kla-MATH, California for a while. I wonder if they're still there?" He gnew he would probably never find himself so close to Klamath again, so he ordered the ship to change course and cut to the coast. Gaviscon concerned himself always with the what, and never the how or the why. He wasn't sure why he was searching for old friends, when he gnew how long he'd been away without an excuse. And he really didn't gnow how he was going to find them. But he'd stumbled across smaller ships before, and that was in the vast nigh-infinity of space. Once he arrived, he stopped the speeder at a little motel/video store--the only thing open--and asked if the owner gnew of Arwen and Yellowbeard. The owner looked up everyone with matching first names on her computer until she found one that had a flying pirate ship parked on Highway 101. Tentatively, Gaviscon called the number. (Or rather had the hotel/video store owner call while Gaviscon floated close to the receiver). "Ahoy?" "Hi. Is this Yellowbeard?" "Uh, yes, matey." "This is Gav. I'm in Kla-MATH. Where are you?" "GAV? Wow! Hey, Arwen, it's Gav! He's in town!" The conversation ended quickly with vague instructions that Gavis- con dilligently followed, aided by Yellowbeard who stood outside waving flashing landing lights. Upon arriving, Gav quickly noticed why he had not noticed the large, flying pirate ship: it had been landed, attached to a cabin, and converted into a living space. "Bless me barnacles, Gav, it's been a while," Yellowbeard greated. "Come on in. No, wait. First I've got to find my dog." "Dog?" Gaviscon wondered about the practically of a pirate owning a canine. "Well, a seadog, you understand. Ar! Ar! Ar!" Just then, Arwen came floating out, sparkling as usual. "Gav, it's so good to see you. Could you go out and find out if that thing out there is a bear?" "WHAT?" Gaviscon looked shocked, mostly because he was. "Well, it's probably our dog, but if it's that bear that's been hanging around, I don't want it getting at my sweetie... Not without Gravebuster around to resurrect him if he gets mauled." Gaviscon grumbled and stalked off to the shadowed shed in the dis- tance, mumbling, "That's the trouble with being dead. Everyone assumes you can't be killed." ....................................................................... Next week--Part II: "THE GLASS OF MILK" !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- -The events you have read here are both real and imaginary. Only the facts have been changed to provoke the innocent. MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 08/25/93 AT 20:05:47 Comments : HAHAHA=143 Message # 220. Date: 07/19/93. Time: 01:12:25. Read 97 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : All Subj : My day in Kla-MATH, part II PERMIFIED My day in Kla-MATH, Part II: "THE GLASS OF MILK" After establishing that the animal in question was indeed the sea-dog and not a bear, Arwen and Yellowbeard invited Gaviscon onto their ship. The ship appeared to Gaviscon as having more space on the inside than the outer geometry would suggest. Upon entering the kitchen, the cherub beamed brightly at the sudden opportunity to offer hospitality. "Would you like something to drink, Gav? We have sodas and juices and milk and beer and water and all sorts of things. If we don't have it, I'm sure I could go out and find something for you. What was it you always drink? Jasminefruit or something, right? Tealfruit?" "Um..." Gaviscon was afraid to mention that ghosts don't eat or drink anything. He also doubted her ability to obtain a fushiafruit to make a fuschiafruit cocktail, but he didn't want to suggest that. "Milk will be great!" Gaviscon wasn't entirely sure what he was going to do once he was served, but he didn't want to face the consequences of depriving this friendly cherub from her hospitality. She gleamed. Gaviscon, never sure what to expect, had brought a disintegrator gun with him. After all, this crazy pair lived in the forest. There were bugs in the forest. While Gaviscon was disturbed at the prospect of a mauling at the paws of a bear, that was nothing compared to his fear of bugs. Only a wide-beam blast from a disintegrator pistol was ultimately successful as an insecticide, in Gav's opinion. candy had given Gav that pistol many years ago when he thought he had lost all of his belongings after his ship crashed and caught fire. He was never sure how she had gotten ahold of the weapon, but suspected that she had perhaps stolen several select items be- fore the fire. Unfortunately, the pistol was completely useless as a bug repellent, as it seemed to have gotten stuck on low power and only cast a wide beam of visible light that barely even singed its victim. Mahogony had somehow "arranged" for Gaviscon to be able to carry the gun on his person, but Gav could never figure out how to work or even find the power controls. "So what brings ye to KLA-math, Gav?" Yellowbeard cackled. "My speeder," remarked Gaviscon, acgnowledging Arwen who happily set a glass of milk next to Gaviscon's chair. "No serious, I figured I'd never be this close to Kla-MATH again so I just cut across the state on my way back from Oregon. I wasn't sure where to find you, but I figured with my odd serendipity levels, I'd probably just run into you." The trio then proceeded to discuss, for at least three hours, all of the great adventures of the past, the events that Gav had missed on his quest to regain his memory, and the plans for the future. Gaviscon was re- minded that Arwen Undomiel was expecting a young pirate cherub within the month, to which Gav offered sincere congratulations. Yellowbeard described some of his efforts to help HACK MAN with the rebuilding efforts in New Linhir. Gaviscon remembered that New Linhir was just as prosperous and, in fact, much larger than it had been under the rule of the Gnome, but appar- ently the Obfuscates still hadn't given up on improving and expanding the creations they had made. "I must go back to New Linhir soon," remarked Gaviscon. "Despite my differences, something just doesn't feel right when I'm out on my own, even when candy is with me." Gaviscon remembered how happy candy had been in Oregon, how much she had wanted Gav to like her new friends. During the conversation, Gaviscon figured out an ingenious plan for disposing of the milk. He sneaked out his disintegrator pistol when no one was looking, turned it on, and aimed it at the glass. Slowly over the next three hours, the low power beam evaporated the milk. Problem solved. Nearing one o'clock in the morning, Arwen reminded them that they had to get up early the next morning for spiritual reasons. "Cherub rituals," she explained. They offered Gav a bunk in the crew's quarters of their ship, which he accepted gratefully. Gav slept happily that night, com- pletely forgetting about the disintegrator pistol, which he'd left on the table next to the empty glass of milk. .......................................................................... Next week--Part III: "PAWPRINTS, PISTOLS, AND THE PACIFIC COAST !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- -The facts you have read here are both real and imaginary. Only the facets have been changed to panic the innocent. MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 08/25/93 AT 20:59:24 Comments : BRAVO!=100 #220. Message # 221. Date: 07/26/93. Time: 04:55:10. Read 97 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : All Subj : My day in Kla-MATH, Part III PERMIFIED My day in Kla-MATH, Part III: "PAWPRINTS, PISTOLS, AND THE PACIFIC COAST" Gaviscon woke the next day, happy and ready for his trip. Drifting out into the kitchen where Arwen and Yellowbeard were fixing breakfast, though it didn't appear to be broken, Gaviscon prepared to say his goodbyes. He gnew what the response would be. "What? You're leaving? Let me make you breakfast! Would you like some cereal or toast? Maybe some eggs, or an omelet? I could whip up some simple French Crepes Suzette Flambe in a light orange sauce with home picked wild berries and freshly churned butter. Yellowbelly! Go find some berries and a cow!" "No, really!" Gav stammered, thinking of scores upon scores of equally lame excuses. He couldn't figure out how to tell this kind, generous, nat- urally hospitible cherub that ghosts can't eat. "Don't trouble yourself. It's very kind of you to offer. I'm very gratious, but I really must be going." Arwen had a hurt look in her eye which saddened Gaviscon. "I had a great time, though!" Gaviscon said, truthfully. Arwen beamed up again and Gaviscon no longer felt as guilty. Gaviscon promised to come back to New Linhir, where Arwen and Yellowbeard made frequent expensive excursions to. "Falco hired me on as a hostess-slash- waitress!" Arwen happily declared. Gaviscon was at first bothered by this concept, having been so used to Falco's sole presence as owner-slash-bar- tender, but the more he thought about her hospitality and the more he thought about the Crepes Suzette, the more he got used to the idea. The three found, as Arwen had warned, that Gav's speeder was covered in pawprints. Their cat had a particular habit of "marking" all visitor's vehicles with scads and scads of pawprints. It was really quite cute, and a significant improvement over the dust-and-dead-bugs design underneath. He smiled, congratulated Arwen once more on her unborn little Obfuscita, then left--leaving behind more smiles, memories, and his disintegrator pistol stuck on low power. He remembered about the pistol as about exactly the point in the drive down the winding Highway 101 when it's too late to do anything. "Oh well!" he muttered, speeding up a few miles per hour, leaving be- hind yet another piece of candy as he drove. !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- -But the story never ends... MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 08/30/93 AT 20:31:36 Comments : BRAVO!=100 Message # 222. Date: 08/30/93. Time: 15:58:06. Read 73 Times. From : Grazz't To : Stranger Subj : B L A H RECEIVED PERMIFIED print is dead MOVED FROM "THE LIBRARY" BY Stranger ON 08/31/93 AT 01:25:26 Comments : BOG ME=100 Message # 223. Date: 08/03/93. Time: 13:01:49. Read 82 Times. From : The Music Man To : Stranger Subj : missing links RECEIVED PERMIFIED Maybe we could just plug our brains in using cellular remotes, and log on at our convenience any time of day, while cooking, shopping, going to the bathroom, watching old david letterman re-runs. It'd be like...telepathy! The Ultimate In Networking! BRAINET! Get the stock reports while driving to work! Download files from the library of congress during your history exams! Call up instant facts during arguements and debates! Information available at the synapses immediately upon request! Throw away all your instruction manuals! Never need to open a book again! BRAINET! MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 08/31/93 AT 21:49:28 Comments : HAHAHA=23 BRAVO!=100 Message # 224. Date: 12/22/88. Time: 14:59:06. Read 110 Times. From : SYSOP To : ALL Subj : INFINITE MESSAGE RECEIVED PERMIFIED AS YOU TRAVEL THE ROAD OF LIFE, THE ROAD SIGNS READ AS FOLLOWS. | I | | | ___________ | I | | NOW | | | |APPROACHING| | I | | INFINITY | | | ----------- | I | | | | | | I | | | Message # 225. Date: 08/29/89. Time: 14:39:12. Read 99 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : All Subj : Picture! RECEIVED PERMIFIED _______________________________________ __-- / ____________________ /--__ / / - / /\ / --__ / __/ / / / / / --__ /_-- / - / / / / --__ \_/ /___________________/ / / / ____--=- / - /____________________\/ / ____---- __-- __/____________________________________/____---- __-- __-- | _ _ _ _ | __-- / _| (_) (_) (_) (_) | __-- / __-- -) FTAS (- | __-- /_-- _______________________________|-- \___________/ Excuse me, everyone... My ride is here... !!! GAVISCON !!! P.S. I JUST FOUND THIS MESSAGES THAT WAS -=@ Margin Master @=- ACCIDENTALLY LEFT PRIVATE. C- - - MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 09/01/93 AT 08:17:22 Comments : BRAVO!=100 Message # 229. Date: 08/07/93. Time: 22:59:25. Read 111 Times. From : YellowBeard To : all Subj : New Crew member PERMIFIED It was a dark and stormy night... No, no, wait. That's been done... It was a warm August afternoon, and the Tavern was filled with the buzz of conversation. Suddenly, and without warning there is a loud CRASH as a figure comes through the large front window of the Tavern. The figure sails through the air on the end of a long rope while people and other animate beings are diving for cover whereever they can find it. As he makes the swooping arc through the once peaceful room the unmistakable voice of YellowBeard can be heard saying... Ahoy! It's a BOY!!!! As he reaches the end of his rope he lets go attempting to make a swash-buckling type landing, Yellowbeard lands instead on the player piano, and with another loud CRASH-SPROING (in A-minor no less) goes right through the top of it. All that can be seen of him is an arm sticking through the top clenching a fistfull of freshly smuggled Cuban cigars, and a card which reads: NAME: Matthew Cory Tetrick BORN: 8-7-93 TIME: 6:09am WIEGHT: 8 lbs, 10 oz. LENGTH: 21 1/4 in. HEAD: 14 1/2 In. CHEST: 13 1/2 in. With a voice as gleefull as a pirate can make it Yellowbeard says from inside the piano "Arr ye landlubbers! Haves a drink on me, an' do it quick b'for I'ze changes me mind!!" YellowPappa 8) P.S. -- I'll haves a Rum, an' makes it a double! MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 09/03/93 AT 03:31:46 Comments : BRAVO!=101 Message # 234. Date: 08/08/93. Time: 08:32:34. Read 100 Times. From : Number Two To : The Music Man Subj : Femmes RECEIVED PERMIFIED Barney says "I love you" "Won't you say you love me too?" Barney Theme Song: (Sing to the tune of Yankee Doodle) Barney is a Dinosaur from our imagination And when he's TALL he's what we call a dinosaur sensation. BARNEY's friends are big and small; they come from lot's of places. After school they meet to play and sing with happy faces. BARNEY shows us lots of things like how to play pretend, A-B-C's and ONE, TWO, THREES and how to be a friend. BARNEY comes to play with us whenever we may need him. Barney can be YOUR friend too if you just make believe him! Be Seeing You ?? MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 09/03/93 AT 03:32:39 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY Number Two ON 09/04/93 AT 00:03:26 Comments : BOG ME=100 Message # 235. Date: 08/31/93. Time: 12:20:36. Read 71 Times. From : HACK MAN To : Gravebuster Subj : Suggestion #17 On Your Todo List RECEIVED PERMIFIED NONONONO. HOW ABOUT "NETWORK THE BBS WITH THE TV SATELLITE SYSTEM SO THAT IT IS AVAILABLE ON CHANNEL 42 ON EVERBODIES TV SET." C- - - MOVED FROM "CO-SYSOP'S BOARD" BY Gravebuster ON 09/05/93 AT 01:21:42 Comments : HAHAHA=100 PROMOTE ME=100 Message # 236. Date: 08/10/93. Time: 03:14:53. Read 89 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : IFNI Subj : Chat RECEIVED PERMIFIED Oh... What? You don't gnow? The transformation is really easy. I'm surprised that no one's told you yet: All you have to do is pull your lower lip over your nose and breath the air out of your mouth through your nostrils for seven minutes, thirty five seconds, and two hours. During this time, you should, of course, be crossing your eyes and standing on your head. You should also be upside down during this process. Now some people confuse the phrase, "standing on your head" to mean being upside down, but I naturally meant "standing on your head" in the most literal sense. Now, I hope you have some PVP pipe, because you're going to also have to play some music during this time. It's a very simple piece, really: a simultaneous rendition of Liszt's Trancendental Etude in F minor and the harpsichord solo in the first movement of Bach's Brandenburg Concer- to #5. You get bonus points, of course, if you include the violins, but only the harpsichord solo is needed. I told you that the transformation is really easy! There are a few more steps, though. The second part of the transforma- tion involves simply reconstructing each detail of the eighth year of the life of any female French peasant farmer who lived anytime in the 14th cen- tury whose existance is currently ungnown to history, using only a compass and the small perturbations that the peasant farmer left in the Earth's mag- netic field. The third part of the transformation involves reading a short "Obfuscate's chant" outloud while peeling rocks. For your convenience, the chant comes in a forty two volume set with the parts that you have to say ventriloquently in bold face. We realize that not all interested parties have the same social background, so copies of the chant are available in three different languages: Demotic, Coptic, and Ancient Icelandic. Drop by your local Endothermic Theraspid wholesaler to pick up a copy. You can pay with either Swedish 10-daler copper plate 1644 coins or with ancient Turkish electrum staters. The fourth part of the transformation--and I gnow that you are thinking it's been way too simple so far--is even easier. All you have to do is swim to the moon. That's all. You don't even have to do it with any particular stroke. You can butterfly, elementary back stroke, doggie paddle, or sidestroke your way there. And you don't have to do anything else at the same time. The only conditions are that you arrive on a Friday (Yukon Time Zone, of course) and that you arrive on the dark side. The fifth part of the transformation is getting back to Earth by collecting fractional bits of other people's frequent flyer miles. The sixth part is that you must create a fanatic cult with not less than seven hundred followers. We offer a lot of leeway in this portion: the cult can worship any sort of deep sea mollusk, use any kind of styrofoam monument for its meetings (so long as it is at least one hundred and eighteen cubits tall), and require forsaking any one of the four forces of nature for membership. You must build the cult's mem- bership to a frothing suicidal frenzy within eight weeks of formation, then say, "Just Kidding!" and walk away with a cheery smile, whistling "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" from 'The Life of Brian'. Finally, you get a choice for the seventh and last step. You can either constuct a working fusion engine out of crazy glue, a box of cinnimon-flavoured toothpicks, two LEGO(tm) Expert-Builder's sets, and seventeen tons of Play-Doh(tm); or you can make farting noises with your armpits. Naturally, most people pick the former action since they think is kinda icky to make farting noises with their armpits. And that's all there is to it. So one day when you wake up an Obfuscate and you'll gnow how you managed the transformation. !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- -Transformation: The wacky proctor's game. MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 09/05/93 AT 01:31:59 Comments : HAHAHA=42 OBFUSCATED=142 BRAVO!=100 Message # 237. Date: 08/13/93. Time: 23:29:18. Read 88 Times. From : Number Two To : Gaviscon Aviscenna Subj : Chat RECEIVED PERMIFIED I was wondering about this amazing series of events that happened to me about 6-8 months ago. The part about the rocks peeling, did happen, but before anything else. I was speaking to my client, the Rock in the middle of the road, and a small group of it's friends about this and that; just shoting the breeze really, when all of a sudden two of it's rfiends just stood up and peeled. It was astounding, and I was agape with confusing emotions. My client seemed equally as shocked, and it was then that I figured that this was no standard custom for rocks (later, my mother told me that I should have already known that. "Have you ever seen a peeled rock?",she said). I made up a quick explanation for excusing myself and walked the 5 blocks back to my house. Once there, I took a nice hot bath, and let the horror so of the day soak into the ultramarine.... MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 09/05/93 AT 01:38:11 Comments : BRAVO!=100 Message # 238. Date: 08/15/93. Time: 19:38:45. Read 82 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : The Music Man Subj : New Crew member RECEIVED PERMIFIED And always on the very next day! !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- -AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! I posted a one-liner! Somebody plug me! MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 09/05/93 AT 15:47:10 Comments : BRAVO!=100 Message # 239. Date: 08/17/93. Time: 19:47:15. Read 83 Times. From : Number Two To : HACK MAN Subj : AND OTHER HOOVED ANIMALS RECEIVED PERMIFIED One of my bestest friends had a small pet llama. She kept it in the Pink Barbie lunch pail that she used as her purse. It seemed happy enough and would never spit at anyone who didn't seem to deserve it. She petted it until it purred (more proof towards Jehan's theory), and di all manner of llamaish things to really make it feel at home. Alas, one day when she went to fetch to keep her company at a popular now- defunct coffee house, it had disappeared, perhaps even run away. She was saddened, but after a bit of conversation, and a bit more meditation we think that she learned a valuable lesson in the psychology of the single llama. Namely, that they are wanderers,and cannot spend too much time in one place, no matter how well they are treated, or loved. Be Seeing You ?? MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 09/05/93 AT 15:54:46 Comments : HAHAHA=100 BRAVO!=100 Message # 240. Date: 09/06/93. Time: 08:30:22. Read 70 Times. From : SKURKEY To : Blahers. Subj : Hall of Blah I just realized that I don't have any posts in the Hall of Blah.... maybe what I say isn't all that memorable....... BLAH MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY HACK MAN ON 09/06/93 AT 12:31:27 Comments : HAHAHA=100 PROMOTE ME=1 #240. Message # 241. Date: 08/28/93. Time: 11:54:15. Read 77 Times. From : Stranger To : BOg INhabitants Subj : Ranging thru Time PERMIFIED R E S I S T A N C E I S F U T I L E F U T I L I T Y I S R E S I S T A N T It's all one B I G T H I N G. Stranger ><-ile MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY The Music Man ON 09/06/93 AT 12:37:59 Comments : WAY!=1 Message # 242. Date: 11/17/90. Time: 21:08:23. Read 84 Times. From : Ubik To : ALL Subj : New User RECEIVED PERMIFIED Greetings I've been peeking around for a few days, and I must say this is a truly fine place you have here. You can almost smell the Pine Sol and a high degree of obfuscation is clearly present.(?) So...do you folks take in refugees? You wouldn't believe where I've been. I think it was the barren waste of luddite lumpens. The people I spend my days with never read anything except the sports page. They think cold fusion is what happens to leftover oatmeal. Actually, I'm bored to death and have no one to talk to. I'm a quiet, peaceful, discordian (Hail Eris!) anarchist, or at least I used to be an anarchist. After the last election I decided that people are too dumb to rule themselves and so I'm considering campaigning for the Emperor George Totalitarian Party (coming out soon in a war near you). So anyway...I'm happy to be here, proud to be an American, God bless the flag, and where is that free margarita? UBIK MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 09/06/93 AT 20:26:48 Comments : BRAVO!=100 Message # 243. Date: 11/19/90. Time: 22:26:54. Read 83 Times. From : John To : All Subj : Line noise RECEIVED PERMIFIED I would like to put forward the proposition that line noise is an intelligent life form. I offer the following: In spite of all our efforts, and thousands (well, several....) dollars worth of the best equipment, it takes control of our communications from time to time. Occasionally it even posts, or logs us off. I submit that this meets many of the criteria for bbs users; thus line noise as an entity may be..... alive. Pehaps we might form a study group to discuss this, and determine what methods we may undertake to communicate with the line noise, and form a policy as to what we will do if we achieve communication..... it would be interesting to have a tame line noise, or at least a working agreement with one. I have determined independently thus far that line noise seems to favor GTE, for some reason. Also, it likes external modems. MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY Gravebuster ON 09/06/93 AT 20:28:33 Comments : HAHAHA=101 RASPBERRYS=1 Message # 244. Date: 04/30/90. Time: 12:47:00. Read 73 Times. From : Racer X To : Siegfried Volsung Subj : what is it RECEIVED PERMIFIED Sounds like a nice bookstore. The chain bookstores really suck. Nothing that might offend is offered. It's the McDonald's of opinions, with no appeal to anyone but the masses (the bungled and botched, as Nietzsche would say). You can't even request anything, since they have to bulk order (I have been tempted to seriously request quantity and say that I plan to distribute "alternative" books at a B. Dalton.) I'll think about it when I have some money to spend on books. I was just joking about worrying. I'm sure you and Jason wouldn't be violent unless it's called for anyway. I would have to brush up on a few things, so we could have an intelligent talk along the way. I'll leave mail sometime in the next few weeks about it. Racer X MOVED FROM "THE LIBRARY" BY Stranger ON 09/07/93 AT 02:12:24 Comments : BLOWS!=1 Message # 245. Date: 05/16/90. Time: 02:36:56. Read 81 Times. From : Unka Buck To : Subj : Shh... RECEIVED PERMIFIED Hey, is some one shouting in the library? Not so loud. -Unka Buck- -Librarian- MOVED FROM "THE LIBRARY" BY Stranger ON 09/07/93 AT 02:19:10 Comments : BLOWS!=1 Message # 246. Date: 07/21/90. Time: 02:43:21. Read 93 Times. From : HACK MAN To : ALL Subj : ODE TO A SPATULA PERMIFIED SPATULA CITY! SPATULA CITY! DELIVER ME UNTO SPATULA PARADISE I HAVE A NIFTY AWESOME SPATULA I THINK IT'S RADICALLY NICE. I'M INFATUA WITH MY LOVELY SPATULA SPATULICITY! SPATULICITY! SPATUFATUATION SPATULA'S ARE THE RAGE. YES IT IS NOW THE SPATULA NATION. SO BY NOW YOU CAN SEE SPATULAS ARE FOR ME. MOVED FROM "THE LIBRARY" BY Stranger ON 09/07/93 AT 02:21:26 Comments : HAHAHA=101 Message # 247. Date: 08/30/93. Time: 15:58:06. Read 89 Times. From : Grazz't To : Stranger Subj : B L A H RECEIVED PERMIFIED print is dead MOVED FROM "THE LIBRARY" BY Stranger ON 08/31/93 AT 01:25:26 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY The Music Man ON 09/06/93 AT 12:53:31 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY HACK MAN ON 09/07/93 AT 08:32:26 Comments : BOG ME=100 PROMOTE ME=42 Message # 248. Date: 10/22/91. Time: 01:20:14. Read 87 Times. From : Racer X To : ALL Subj : Obfuscate-To-Be PERMIFIED I hereby propose that Ender G/Gizmo/Ender/whatever handle he's going by be given full and complete Obfuscate status. Racer >< MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY The Music Man ON 09/07/93 AT 12:55:28 Comments : WAY!=1 HAHAHA=117 BLOWS!=100 BRAVO!=1 ZZZZZZZ=1 BOG ME=1 PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 249. Date: 10/12/91. Time: 20:55:38. Read 93 Times. From : Gizmo To : All Obfuscates Subj : whoa is me PERMIFIED I hereby renounce Obfuscation. Xenogenesis MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY The Music Man ON 09/07/93 AT 13:00:52 Comments : RASPBERRYS=17 BLOWS!=1 GROAN.=1 PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 250. Date: 10/21/90. Time: 03:15:56. Read 71 Times. From : HACK MAN To : Ender Subj : bart RECEIVED PERMIFIED THANK YOU FOR THE NOTICE BUT I'LL HAVE TO CANCEL MY ORDER I HAD A PENGUIN INSTEAD. C- - - MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY The Music Man ON 09/07/93 AT 13:05:19 Comments : BRAVO!=1 ZZZZZZZ=1 BOG ME=1 #250. Message # 251. Date: 08/15/89. Time: 15:51:18. Read 91 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : The hound of the Far Side Subj : Gnee-Oh Obfuscates? PERMIFIED Every once in a while, I tend to get a kind of urge in my blood, telling me that it just happens to be the correct time to write a new, and inter- resting margin. This is, by one of those strange yet true (and a bit of unique) coincid- ences, a margin just like that! I'm trying to get a bit more weird things done before I leave for school and I gnow that a few people here might be wondering why I call myself the Margin Master in the first place, so I thought I would post a few, to see what happens. I am not really sure if I like this one. It's kind of hard to determine exactly what it is, huh? Ah well, I AM o ut of practice. Perhaps tomarrow I'll get better inspired? Anyway, I thanks for bearing with me through this. I gnow it is terrible, but I will save it, anyway. After all, it'll help my average message ratio. Until then, hasta pasta, everyone. (That means, of course, "Until lasanga") You don't have to like this margin if you don't want to. Obfuscate!!! !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- -= OBFUSCATE /EXtrodinaire =- MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY The Music Man ON 09/07/93 AT 13:20:07 Comments : PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 252. Date: 05/05/89. Time: 03:58:46. Read 81 Times. From : MISSION IMPOSSIBLE To : ALL USERS Subj : VAGINAL FLATCHULATION PERMIFIED PUSSY FARTS ! MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY The Music Man ON 09/07/93 AT 13:24:09 Comments : BLOWS!=1 BOG ME=1 Message # 253. Date: 03/13/89. Time: 17:17:26. Read 90 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : Infocommies Subj : Ever wonder what a Zorkmid looked like? PERMIFIED Brought to you straight from the esteemed: |||||||||||||| || __ __ || || $$ $$ || \|| >> ||/ || ______ || | -//--- | \\_//_____// ___//| | /__// | | | | __________// \\__________ / $ / **** \ $ \ / / ** \ \ / /| ** |\ \ / / | ** | \ \ / / | ** | \ \ ^ ^__|______$Z$**$Z$______|___^ ^ \ * $Z$**$Z$ * / \________*___$Z$**$Z$___*________/ | $Z$**$Z$ | J. PIERPONT FLATHEAD CHAIRMAN _________________________________________________________________ | 1 0 0 GREAT UNDERGROUND EMPIRE 1 0 0 | | 1 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 | | 1 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 | | 1 0 0 DIMWIT 1 0 0 | | |||||||||||||||| | | || __ __ || B30332744D | | || -OO OO- || | | IN FROBS \|| >> ||/ WE TRUST | | || ______ || | | B30332744D | ------ | | | \\________// | | 1 0 0 Series FLATHEAD LD Flathead 1 0 0 | | 1 0 0 0 0 719GUE Treasurer 1 0 0 0 0 | | 1 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 | | 1 0 0 One Hundred Royal Zorkmids 1 0 0 | |_______________________________________________________________| (This is official. Don't print it out, however, or you may be charged with counterfitting. I believe the Flatheads have set the penalty for counter- fitting at death by Grues.) !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- -Trapped on Terra -)Future Traveller's Aid Society(- -Tomarrow... Stamps! MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY The Music Man ON 09/07/93 AT 13:28:35 Comments : BRAVO!=100 Message # 254. Date: 12/27/88. Time: 23:40:29. Read 80 Times. From : JOE BLOW To : ALL Subj : LIFE PERMIFIED I LIVE, THEREFORE I AM. JOE BLOW MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY The Music Man ON 09/07/93 AT 13:36:30 Comments : BOG ME=1 Message # 256. Date: 10/24/91. Time: 14:10:48. Read 83 Times. From : Racer X To : Gravebuster Subj : Proposals RECEIVED PERMIFIED I seem to be the only one that sees the problems or potential problems with the situation. Most of you seem to be of the opinion that one user has already been turned off of Obfuscates because of this. What makes you think there won't be more? What makes you think that the Xenononsense crowd won't make allegations against us somewhere that our side won't be heard? This whole thing could blow up in our faces. You may be missing my point. If Gizmo is offered Obfuscate status and accepts it, Xenogenesis will be divided and even easier to attack. If they continue to try to wreck the Obfuscates all the evidence will show that we tried to be open and tolerant. If he is offered Obfuscate status and rejects it, it won't matter. Xenogenesis will be wrecked soon enough anyway and it'll still look like we did our best to be open and tolerant. If we don't offer him Obfuscate status we lose all those PR points as well as a great opportunity to destroy Xenogenesis and, more importantly, OBFUSCATE. It has been said that the best way to be an Obfuscate is to not try so hard. Well, he quit trying what more reason do we need? Of course he'll give away the Obfuscatronix! That's the beauty of it. As far as I can tell the only way to lose Obfuscate access is to give away the secrets of Obfuscation. He'll give away the Obfuscatronix and as soon as someone uses them we can blame him (we won't even need proof because he's done it before) and change the system. If for some bizarre reason he doesn't give them away, no loss there. Everyone else seemed intent on making him an Obfuscate before. We could use another couple of Obfuscates anyway. If he gives them away and no one uses them we won't even gnow, so there's no loss there either. The whole issue could be avoided by not really giving him the 'real' Obfuscatronix, but something that would only work for him and non-Obfuscates. A routine could even be put in that automatically strips his access if a non- Obfuscate uses the 'Obfuscatronix'. Then the whole thing could be taken out and someone will end up looking like a fool and it won't be you or me. However, to answer HACK MAN's question, I think it will work because he really can't accept the offer without looking like a fool. He could do it and say that he'll get Xenogenesis the codes but if that's been covered in advance... I've rambled on long enough, but there's more to be said about this. I think this would be great fun if the proper precautions are taken. Racer >< MOVED FROM "THE TEMPLE OF DILLUSION" BY HACK MAN ON 09/08/93 AT 14:46:46 Comments : BLOWS!=1 ARGH!=100 BOG ME=1 Message # 257. Date: 12/08/91. Time: 02:09:44. Read 78 Times. From : Racer X To : aLL Subj : Ack! PERMIFIED By the way, I resign as an Obfuscate too. Gizmo for Obfuscate! Racer >< -Tick ... tick ... MOVED FROM "THE TEMPLE OF DILLUSION" BY HACK MAN ON 09/08/93 AT 14:52:30 Comments : WHO CARES=100 BRAVO!=1 BOG ME=1 Message # 258. Date: 12/30/91. Time: 04:29:14. Read 76 Times. From : Racer X To : Lord Cirdan Subj : Howdy, who ate all the chocolate? RECEIVED PERMIFIED Will YOU accept my resignation? I'm not a Xenodip and don't intend to be one. I just don't want to be an Obfuscate and no one else is willing to accept that. Thank you and have a nice day. Racer >< MOVED FROM "THE TEMPLE OF DILLUSION" BY HACK MAN ON 09/08/93 AT 14:53:35 Comments : BLOWS!=1 GIVE ME A BREAK!=100 BOG ME=1 Message # 259. Date: 07/14/91. Time: 12:58:39. Read 98 Times. From : HACK MAN To : Gravebuster Subj : Communion Duck RECEIVED HEY, PASS THE COMMUNION DUCK! C- - - P.S. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO ROAST A DUCK? The government owns 34 percent of all the land in America. MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY HACK MAN ON 09/09/93 AT 23:12:17 Comments : ZZZZZZZ=100 PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 260. Date: 07/18/91. Time: 13:09:05. Read 113 Times. From : Ice Devil To : ICE DEVIL! Subj : WELL! RECEIVED PERMIFIED IT'S VERY SIMPLE! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS INFLICT SOME SORT OF PAIN OR HARDSHIP ON: The Shadow Kinf (aka MOJO) MAIM HIM, MAUL HIM, BEAT HIM, PUT SAND IN HIS SHEETS, PUT BEN-GAY IN HIS UNDERWEAR, CUASE PAIN UNTO HIM, CUASE UNREPAIRABLE NUERAL DAMAGE TO HIM, SEXUALLY TORMENT HIM (Wow, realll tough), CAUSE MENTAL CRUELTY! THERE ARE 1001 WAYS TO MAIM MOJO! Contestants will be judged on these criteria: ORIGINALITY MAXIMUM DAMAGE INFLICTED INGENUITY MAXIMUM MENTAL STRESS INFLICTED EFFICIENCY MAXIMUM PAIN INFLICTED AS WELL AS ANY OTHER CRITERIA THE PANAL OF JUDGES CAN THINK OF!!! MANY WAYS TO PLAY! EVEN MORE WAYS TO WIN!!!! SEE The I.C.E. Palace for COMPLETE Rules and Regulations! SO! START BEATING MOJO TODAY! AND MAYBE YOU WILL BE: MOJO MAIMER ELITE! (relatives to the shadow king inelligable. see rules and regulations for complete methods of playing and odds of winning.) MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY HACK MAN ON 09/09/93 AT 23:13:18 Comments : OBFUSCATED=1 WHO CARES=100 BOG ME=100 PROMOTE ME=101 #260. Message # 261. Date: 09/07/93. Time: 02:02:54. Read 76 Times. From : Stranger To : Worshippers of Selene Subj : The Moon PERMIFIED look at you moon yellow shining silver down on me draw you down on me love nothing up there you are I worship your fair countenance dance in your rays fade with your phases dance in your shadows setting waning stars influence shall we waltz? no I think not we shall fuck you and I moon baying at you up at you shall I draw you down now . . . ? fateful orb yellow shining silver setting on salty seas and oh, I miss you moon. but oh, you're waxing now nevermind . . . full. Stranger ><-ile MOVED FROM "The Demented Herbarium" BY IFNI ON 09/12/93 AT 13:42:13 Comments : HUH?=1 Message # 262. Date: 09/15/93. Time: 15:38:29. Read 61 Times. From : Ghost To : Stranger Subj : uh RECEIVED PERMIFIED He mint to do better than that, but after the run-in with the Legumbre Bros.: Art and Gus, all ambition left him. While Artichoked him, Aspearagus nearly ran him through. Shaken, he felt a retreat was in order, and decided to rest on his laurels. MOVED FROM "The Demented Herbarium" BY IFNI ON 09/15/93 AT 18:43:41 Comments : HAHAHA=1 GROAN.=100 BOG ME=1 Message # 263. Date: 02/04/92. Time: 16:13:14. Read 436 Times. From : Number Two To : Hink Mynx Subj : Ha ha RECEIVED PERMIFIED R e s i s t a n c e i s F u t i l e ! ! (just a reminder) MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY Number Two ON 02/04/92 AT 16:15:11 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY HACK MAN ON 02/04/92 AT 21:21:18 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY Number Two ON 02/05/92 AT 02:12:19 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY HACK MAN ON 02/06/92 AT 23:33:59 MOVED FROM "THE WEIRD BOARD" BY Mynk Lynx ON 02/07/92 AT 21:48:39 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY Mynk Lynx ON 02/07/92 AT 21:59:15 MOVED FROM "EMAIL" BY Hink Mynx ON 02/07/92 AT 22:01:11 MOVED FROM "SEX" BY SKURKEY ON 02/07/92 AT 22:31:20 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY HACK MAN ON 02/16/92 AT 13:56:02 MOVED FROM "STORY BOARD" BY THE MUSIC MAN ON 02/18/92 AT 20:36:33 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY HACK MAN ON 02/21/92 AT 18:58:18 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY THE MUSIC MAN ON 02/23/92 AT 02:30:06 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY HACK MAN ON 02/24/92 AT 00:23:06 MOVED FROM "STORY BOARD" BY Gravebuster ON 02/24/92 AT 04:39:43 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY Number Two ON 02/24/92 AT 12:03:47 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY THE MUSIC MAN ON 02/27/92 AT 12:36:00 MOVED FROM "HACKER'S ZONE" BY THE MUSIC MAN ON 03/03/92 AT 00:32:15 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY Number two ON 03/11/92 AT 17:06:27 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY HACK MAN ON 03/16/92 AT 21:43:05 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY THE MUSIC MAN ON 03/17/92 AT 12:51:40 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY Cleric Ilsaram ON 12/26/92 AT 01:52:08 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY HACK MAN ON 01/04/93 AT 22:45:45 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY The Music Man ON 06/07/93 AT 14:17:17 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY Gravebuster ON 06/15/93 AT 23:56:43 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY Number Two ON 06/22/93 AT 23:01:51 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY Gravebuster ON 07/08/93 AT 22:02:04 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY The Music Man ON 08/06/93 AT 00:26:45 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY Gravebuster ON 08/11/93 AT 17:33:36 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY The Music Man ON 08/13/93 AT 17:58:19 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY Gravebuster ON 08/14/93 AT 07:48:21 MOVED FROM "Pneumatic Roos" BY Mojo IV ON 09/08/93 AT 21:06:03 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY The Music Man ON 09/17/93 AT 14:10:21 Comments : WAY!=34 NO WAY!=14 HAHAHA=112 RASPBERRYS=100 BLOWS!=135 OBFUSCATED=2 HUH?=65002 DOINK=43 WHO CARES=11 BRAVO!=69 ZZZZZZZ=1 GROAN.=1 GIVE ME A BREAK!=1 OH MY GOD!=1 BOG ME=38529 PROMOTE ME=38528 Message # 264. Date: 08/30/93. Time: 15:58:06. Read 107 Times. From : Grazz't To : Stranger Subj : B L A H RECEIVED PERMIFIED print is dead MOVED FROM "THE LIBRARY" BY Stranger ON 08/31/93 AT 01:25:26 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY The Music Man ON 09/06/93 AT 12:53:31 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY The Music Man ON 09/17/93 AT 14:11:49 Comments : BOG ME=100 Message # 265. Date: 06/24/91. Time: 13:06:38. Read 88 Times. From : Gaviscon Aviscenna To : Those without weak hearts Subj : The more incredably spectacular, terminally stupendous ANSI display ever seen! .......... .... ... I suggest you sit down for this... / / / / / / / / / / / \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ / / / / / / / / / / Here it comes!* * * * * Get ready!!! Uh oh. Sorry.I forgot what I was going to do.Oh well... !!! GAVISCON !!! -=@ Margin Master @=- MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY HACK MAN ON 09/20/93 AT 10:09:13 Comments : HAHAHA=143 RASPBERRYS=1 BRAVO!=100 OH MY GOD!=1 Message # 266. Date: 02/23/91. Time: 00:38:53. Read 91 Times. From : HACK MAN To : ALL Subj : WARTIME MOBILIZATION PERMIFIED WELL IN LIGHT OF LATEST MATTERS I'VE DECIDED TO DECLARE MARTIAL LAW HERE AT HACK'S RETREAT, AND UNDER THE OBFUSCATE WAR POWERS ACT I'VE DECIDED TO MAKE NEW APPOINTMENTS IN AN EFFORT TO BOLSTER THE SAGGING MORALE. I HEREBY PROMOTE UNKA BUCK TO THE RANK OF OBFUSCATE AND ASSIGN HIM TO THE POST OF PROPOGANDA QUALITY CONTROL. I ALSO HEREBY PROMOTE GRAVEBUSTER TO OBFUSCATE AND ASSIGN TO HIM THE DUTIES OF CHAIRMAN OF THE FOOLISH PREDICTIONS DEPARTMENT. C- - - MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY HACK MAN ON 09/20/93 AT 10:22:04 Comments : HAHAHA=100 Message # 269. Date: 09/20/93. Time: 11:41:40. Read 79 Times. From : HACK MAN To : ALL Subj : BLAH PERMIFIED BLAH! C- - - MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY HACK MAN ON 09/20/93 AT 11:42:01 MOVED FROM "HALL OF FAME" BY HACK MAN ON 09/20/93 AT 11:45:16 MOVED FROM "THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH" BY The Music Man ON 09/20/93 AT 22:45:55 MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY The Music Man ON 09/20/93 AT 22:49:57 Message # 271. Date: 09/20/93. Time: 22:37:14. Read 71 Times. From : HACK MAN To : The Music Man Subj : DO me a favor, please? RECEIVED IF YOU FART AFTER YOU'RE DEAD LIKE IN THE MORGUE MAYBE AND THERE'S NO LIVE NOSES AROUND TO RECIEVE THE STENCH, DOES IT STILL SMELL? C- - - MOVED FROM "SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY" BY The Music Man ON 09/21/93 AT 17:03:21 Message # 272. Date: 11/27/91. Time: 21:26:02. Read 82 Times. From : Gravebuster To : ALL Subj : The Time Has Come To Talk Of Many Things PERMIFIED I stalked the orbital bathtub as it swirled through the blackness of the universe. I stealthily prowled its gleaming white porcelain until it briefly paused to add some more hot water, and then I attacked it with my rubber duckie. I squawked it again and again and again until its four legs ran in different directions and its drain plug searched for another whole. I dove inot the crystal blue water and rode the swirl down the vastness of the drain. And I was drained. Enervated. Tired. Not Michelin. And I fell asleep in a gigantic pillow of feathery softness, sweet softness, rolling and flowing softness that would rival Downey detergent any day. But not this day, because it was night. And it's nighty-night. And I fell deeply asleep, and dreamt I was at Ubik's house, watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on Jimi Hendrix's birthday with Mynk Lynx and Hack Man. I woke up from that nightmare, and danced with a lamppost into the swirling dervish of a timeless hour. +++Gravebuster MOVED FROM "THE WEIRD BOARD" BY HACK MAN ON 09/22/93 AT 16:40:53 Message # 273. Date: 05/03/92. Time: 22:44:30. Read 77 Times. From : Gravebuster To : ALL Subj : And How Do You Spell Relief? PERMIFIED TUM-TUM-TUM-TUM! I couldn't resist as I goosestepped through the Tum-Tum trees, so I picked up a lonely vorpal blade, and with a swish and a slash and a perry and a feint I cut the air into thin air into which I disappeared... ...and then I reappeared (aren't you disappointed?) at a billabong under the shade of a coolibah tree. I don't gnow why they call them coolibah trees, because if you asked me, and I gnow you're not going to ask me so by telling you what I would say if you asked me is tantamount to forcing my viewpoint down your throat, but isn't that the point of posts anyways, I would say that those trees are eucalyptus. Anyways, a swagman, who looks awfully like a squatter, came around with a big pot and a dead billy, built a fire and began to boil the billy. It was during this very uninteresting episode that I notice some crazy songwriter hidden behind the bushes, writing down some lyrics, and disappearing into the tules. Now, I may disappear into thin air, but I don't disappear into tules, because, besides many other reasons, they're absolutely tules-like. So I just saundered over to the Tavern. Or what was left of the Tavern. The door was still there. Everything else was burned down. In the middle of it was a broken coke bottle that appeared to have contained one Molotov cocktail. I began to wonder how the riots in Los Angeles spilled over into HACK MAN's domain, when a weeping Falco came over to me and cried... "I told him no smoking allowed in the bar (sniff, sniff, sniff) and he just wouldn't listen (sniff, sniff, sniff) and now look!" he sputtered as he picked up part of the coke bottle, "he ruined my Molotov cocktail!" Falco then dropped the bottle, fell to the ground, bawled as loud as a banshee and pounded the ground with all four limbs. I simple slipped into a dimension with a substance that magnetically attracts recently oxidized materials, gathered all the ashes, slipped into a dimension where all the elves that rebelled at Santa's slavish workloads and lack of creativity go and allowed them to reassemble the Tavern (they love working with molecules), slipped into another dimension where a person can lift several 100,000 pounds yet can't lift a feather (I haven't figured how that one works, but I think it's a counterbalance dimension), lifted Falco from the base dimension, slipped him into the completed Tavern, then lifted the Tavern from the elves dimension and set it back into the base dimension. Considering the vastly different rates that time passes through these various dimensions, all that activity took just a couple of seconds in the base dimension! Falco stopped crying as he realized he was hitting a varnished, wooden floor. He looked up to see the recreated Tavern. He smiled, then puzzled. "Who fixed the piano?" The elves got carried away. Oh well. Still being in that weird dimension, I picked up a boulder, smashed the piano in the base dimension, tossed the boulder and let loose with a blood-curdling laugh. Falco quickly fixed himself an uncurdle-agulant concoction as I hurdled over a hitching post into a hazy haze. +++Gravebuster MOVED FROM "THE WEIRD BOARD" BY HACK MAN ON 09/22/93 AT 16:41:23 Message # 274. Date: 01/16/93. Time: 07:25:02. Read 73 Times. From : Gravebuster To : ALL Subj : Does Anyone Have Anything Anywhere Anyhow PERMIFIED It was a curious sight to be in a dimension where I didn't respond to anything that anyone has said before, because there wasn't anyone there who had anything to say anytime before, and in fact there wasn't anyone there but no one who had nothing to say to nobody and in fact the fact is that factually facts are facts unless they're fiction. And the factual fiction inflicted the fractals until the head swimmed and the omnipotent misspelled... The swimming ship's toilet looked promising, but when I examined it further, I found that it did not promise at all. But the porcelain and steel stole a port and a lane which did not prepare the head at all for its encounter with unchained ellipses that did not dangle. Pumiced and perturbed, the privy poked around for promiscuous participles amidst the darkled "blah"s and a singular "hurrah" that gave way to a "pththtpthtpht" which appreciates chromatic posting... I deluded and deranged until I decided to deliver a delicate debutante derisively to a dealer who flinged me through a misty, forgotten past of weirdness into a realm of BBS users who milled about, carrying jars of viruses, spilling the contents on one computer and then another, attempting to sabotage and crash the BBS systems of the world, while other BBS users ingratiated themselves with gratuitous postings while ingratiously ingnoring the posters they admire. As a BBS crashed, a user who had more vowels than should rightfully coexist in a single word guillotined the sysop, and the virus vibrated vivaciously through the vital vines of victory. I pondered and plundered and wandered and wondered until I laundered and thundered into an open meadow with a "closed" sign... +++Gravebuster MOVED FROM "THE WEIRD BOARD" BY HACK MAN ON 09/22/93 AT 16:41:52 Message # 275. Date: 02/07/93. Time: 11:41:57. Read 79 Times. From : Gravebuster To : ALL Subj : Closest To The Closed-Ness Of The Clothes Mess PERMIFIED The washing machine laundered and thundered and bounced me into the meadow with a "closed" sign, which it mistook for a "clothes" sign, but that's okay, since the medium was written and washing machines don't understand writing anyways. The washer jostled me and jiggled me and jumbled me and jangled me while I adjusted to the juxtaposition of inanity with insanity. I began to ponder the question of why indeed this meadow is "closed". As I ponder this significant universal question, a user with more vowels in his short name than should be allowed appeared on the scene, attempt to rectify the situation of the meadow being "closed." However, before he did his dutiful deed to reopen the meadow to more maniacal mischief, he was distracted by a patriot who wore his creed on his sleeve, and they began to argue over the merit of bovine consumption over porcine consumption. The debate was short, all was forgotten, so I remembered all and all was quite happy to have at least one user who remembered all. I hesitated. And all at once, an anonymous Englishman wearing a button with a penny- farthing attached to his turtleneck sweater tumbled into the unreal reality and soon become ensnared in amber bonds of delicious fragrance. He then began to misspell all of his words with radical effervescence and effervescent radicalism, until all the radicals effervescently radiated and effervesced into a chorus decrying the death and hailing the life of a Bob McAllister Wonderama character. I pondered if I should resurrect John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, and then realized that a pond was no place to have such thoughts. I expired, exploded, exported and explicated until I was sure that all things were beyond mentioning. So I drove to Mentioning and then ventured beyond its borders... +++Gravebuster MOVED FROM "THE WEIRD BOARD" BY HACK MAN ON 09/22/93 AT 16:42:19 Message # 276. Date: 06/03/91. Time: 23:02:51. Read 81 Times. From : HACK MAN To : ALL Subj : AN ANNOUNCEMENT PERMIFIED HERE-YE HERE-YE, LET IT BE GNOW THAT A NEW OBFUSCATE HAS BEEN ADMITTED INTO OUR MIDST. BY UNANIMOUS CONSENT OF THE REGULAR OBFUSCATE CALLERS UBIK HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR OBFUSCATE STAUS. AT A MEETING THIS SUNDAY THE SUBJECT WAS DISCUSSED. THE OFFICIAL VOTE IS AS FOLLOWS. UNKA BUCK "YES" LYNX "YES" GRAVE BUSTER "YES" HACK MAN "YES" TASSLEHOFF BURFOOT "OK" GAVISCON "VFJ" THOSE NOT VOTING PEGGY YELLOWBEARD RACER X THIS IS A CLEAR MAJORITY, SO I AM HAPPY TO WELCOME UBIK INTO THE FOLD. C- - - P.S. IT WAS ALSO DECIDED BY UNANIMOUS ACCLIMATION TO ADMIT UBIK IN AN OBFUSCATED WAY. THEREFORE HE HAS NOT BEEN NOTIFIED OF HIS NEW DECORATION. HE WAS SPONTANEOUSLY UPGRADED TO OBFUSCATE STATUS MONDAY MORNING AT 3AM, AND HE HAS ALREADY CALLED ONCE AND NOT NOTICED. P.P.S. HEHEHE. MOVED FROM "THE TEMPLE OF DILLUSION" BY HACK MAN ON 09/22/93 AT 16:54:51 Comments : OBFUSCATED=100 Message # 277. Date: 09/16/89. Time: 23:13:00. Read 84 Times. From : Lord Cirdan To : The New Obfuscates! Subj : Greetings! PERMIFIED Hail, and well met. I'd like to greet all the new obfuscates, and may you all find a probiscus underlying the corporation. But that's not the point. And neither is that. Being the most senior member of the obfuscates, and founder of the name, (hah, I bet the rest of you didn't even gnow that, did you? Yup, looked it up in a thesaurus all by myself) I think that Hack's and Music Man's choices are good ones. Therefore. Lynx, Peggy, Racer X, and Yellowbeard do hereby have the infamous non- distinction of putting the --==OBFUSCATE==-- symbol beneath their name, if they so choose to do so. Please gnote the way it's supposed to be done, though, I've seen a few that weren't quite right. Anyway, there you are. Yeah, right there. HACK Gnote: Give them full access to this board, kinda silly that they can only read. Especially since there will be nothing TO read if you don't give them write access. Also, I'd like to apologize to Lynx, for our ridiculousness. We were being entirely too amoeba-like. So, maybe you were wondering who else had this dubious distinction? Well, me too, let's see if I can remember: Lex Luthor: Founder of Dillusion (absent) Lord Cirdan: Founder of the Gnome's Castle (psuedo-absent) HACK MAN: First Hackbot Obfuscate The Music Man: First Insane Obfuscate Gaviscon Aviscenna: First Dead Time-travelling Obfuscate (absent) Frammis Man: Founder of the Partisans of Parenthesis (absent) Cleric Ilsaram: First Obfuscate awarded the : for nifty stories. (absent) Pizza Man: First Pizza-related Obfuscate Tasslehoff Burfoot: Least Gnown Obfuscate Lynx: Most Tortured by his Nomination Obfuscate Peggy: First female Obfuscate Racer X: First Obfuscate to have a one letter last name. YellowBeard: First Obfuscate that was Most Gnoted for his folicles. Did I miss anyone? If so, I'm entirely sorry, and you have every right to send me all your cash....all your cash...all your cash...all your cash... all your cash...all your cash... Ok, you can wake up now. You will remember nothing but the part about the cash. L8r... :::Lord Cirdan MOVED FROM "THE TEMPLE OF DILLUSION" BY HACK MAN ON 09/22/93 AT 17:01:01 Message # 278. Date: 09/21/92. Time: 04:06:40. Read 88 Times. From : Mynk Lynx To : Gravebuster Subj : The Obfuscate's Book Of Something To Read RECEIVED PERMIFIED I can see with my eyes closed! I can say something without speaking! I realize that there's nothing I must do, expect maybe suck. Even cold fires burn! I have understood without comprehending and I have comprehended without understanding. Where are we going? A circle has no end, no beginning, and PI is incapable of gnowing anything let alone something that does not exist, except maybe TMM. I make apples by smashing applesauce! OK, CLEAN THE EARTH BY PAVING IT! When it rains, the water gets Earthed. One thing I desire about dill pickles is there absence. Who can read when they see letters? Only those who see letters arranged in a fashion that is worthy of reading or those who can read when nothing is meant by the letters (as many try to do and fail). Mynk Lynx --==OBFUSCATE==-- Xnyl Knym p.s. DOINK! MOVED FROM "THE TEMPLE OF DILLUSION" BY HACK MAN ON 09/22/93 AT 17:04:12 Message # 279. Date: 05/29/93. Time: 03:21:40. Read 76 Times. From : Mynk Lynx To : STPLYWIN Subj : In the Out For a Walk to Mars PERMIFIED Some think of you as a figment of the all-knowing one of complete and utter cow tipping fun and games being programmed for you pleasure and money I never saw until today when I got the mail goes almost everywhere in the world we live in sometimes loses control key for a modified list of commands that the general gave to the pions made in america is really not very useful at all these days keep running together again and again I try to compile this code words are so fun to throw together into piles of leaves often get buries in the snow covered mountain tops of california free state you opinion now or forever and ever be lost in space the final fronteerland is kinda boringnow that is a silly question authority to rule on this subject to change without notice that the pretty ball flew out of the park your car near the tree houses can get really messy if you forget this I'm going. Mynk Lynx --==OBFUSCATE==-- Xnyl Knym p.s. Go to the store rooms that are clean your ears work ok as long as you don't introduce me to that lovely lady bugs are a pain to programmers. MOVED FROM "THE TEMPLE OF DILLUSION" BY HACK MAN ON 09/22/93 AT 17:04:32 Comments : OBFUSCATED=142 Message # 280. Date: 09/09/89. Time: 03:40:45. Read 101 Times. From : HACK MAN To : ALL Subj : NEW OBFUSCATES PERMIFIED I'D LIKE TO WELCOME LYNX, PEGGY, RACER X, AND YELLOWBEARD INTO THE RANKS OF THE NEW OBFUSCATES FORMALLY. THESE MEMBERS HAVE BEEN SUGGESTED AND APPROVED BY THE MUSIC MAN AND MYSELF. I FEEL THAT LORD CIRDAN AND TASSLEHOFF (THE OTHER TWO REMAINING REGULARLY CALLING OBFUSCATE-DILLUSIONIST) WOULD AGREE. ALSO, IF THERE ARE ANY FURTHER NOMINATIONS LET ME GNOW. A NEW USER LEVEL OF 15000 HAS BEEN CREATED FOR OBFUSCATE DILLUSIONISTS. ALL OF THE NEW OBFUSCATES HAVE NOW BEEN REGISTERED IN THE COMPUTER AND BEEN GIVEN A 10000 ACCESS. THAT MEANS THAT THEY HAVE ACCESS TO THE SECRET VT100 CODES, AND A FEW OTHER THINGS. I ALSO CHANGED THEIR ACCESS FROM XPERT BACK TO REGULAR SO THAT THEY WOULD NOTICE THE NEW MENU OPTIONS MORE READILY. YOU CAN CHANGE IT RIGHT BACK AGAIN IF YOU WANT. ALSO THEY HAVE BEEN GIVEN READ ONLY ACCESS TO THE TEMPLE OF DILLUSION. I AM WILLING TO CHANGE THIS TO READ/WRITE ACCESS DEPENDING ON WHAT THE OTHER OBFUSCATE-DILLUSIONISTS SAY. DOINK. C- - - MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY HACK MAN ON 09/22/93 AT 17:45:07 Comments : WOW!=1 #280. Message # 281. Date: 09/27/93. Time: 15:30:47. Read 65 Times. From : HACK MAN To : Phoenix Subj : B L A H RECEIVED PERMIFIED MONEY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HAPPYNESS. THIS YOU WILL EVENTUALLY LEARN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. THE IDEA THAT MATERIAL POSESSIONS WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST FALLACIES OF AMERICAN SOCIETY. IF ANYTHING MAKES PEOPLE HAPPY IT'S OTHER PEOPLE. IF YOU HAVE A STRONG LOVING FAMILY YOU WILL BE HAPPY EVEN IF YOU LIVE ON A STEADY DIET OF MACARONI AND CHEESE. AND IF YOU ARE AN UNHAPPY PERSON YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY WETHER YOU GO TO WORK BY BUS OR LEAR JET. EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS THAT MAKE THEM UNHAPPY. THOSE PROBLEMS WILL EXPAND IN YOUR MIND TO WHATEVER SIZE YOU ALLOW THEM TO. LIKE THE RICH MAN WHO'S READY TO KILL HIMSELF BECAUSE HE CAN'T GET A SEAT ON THE BOARD, TO THE MIDDLE INCOME MAN WHO'S READY TO KILL HIMSELF BECAUSE HE CAN'T GET A JOB WITH DECENT BENEFITS, TO THE POOR MAN WHO'S READY TO KILL HIMSELF BECAUSE HE CAN'T FIND A PLACE TO SLEEP. WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT NOBODY IN THIS COUNTRY DESERVES TO BE UNHAPPY IN THE SLIGHTEST DEGREE. WE COULD BE STARVING IN DOWNTOWN SOMALIA OR BOSNIA OR BANGLADESH RIGHT NOW, YET WE STILL ARE UNHAPPY. BASICALLY IT ONLY COMES DOWN TO THIS SIMPLE BUT TRUE FACT: Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. (Abraham Lincoln) C- - - MOVED FROM "THE LIBRARY" BY Stranger ON 09/27/93 AT 16:06:15 Comments : WAY!=100 BRAVO!=23 PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 282. Date: 09/30/93. Time: 12:36:21. Read 68 Times. From : Phoenix To : Stranger Subj : Weird Adventure RECEIVED PERMIFIED But stranger, I'm done being a Victim! I'm out looking to make victims now! Phoenix! Screaming Electron MOVED FROM "THE WEIRD BOARD" BY The Music Man ON 10/01/93 AT 20:28:53 Comments : HAHAHA=23 BLOWS!=100 Message # 283. Date: 10/06/93. Time: 15:03:32. Read 53 Times. From : IFNI To : Jehan Subj : My very first post, all by myself RECEIVED Involûving ûwhoû? û(é]nanitûes areû supreme, eviôdently!) û ûûûIfni- MOVED FROM "The Demented Herbarium" BY IFNI ON 10/06/93 AT 15:04:06 Comments : WAY!=100 PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 284. Date: 10/07/93. Time: 00:21:16. Read 63 Times. From : YellowBeard To : all Subj : Please, PERMIFIED Don't litter. MOVED FROM "THE SOAP BOX" BY HACK MAN ON 10/07/93 AT 14:16:42 Message # 285. Date: 10/07/93. Time: 23:41:52. Read 68 Times. From : Ghost To : Adonis the Mouse Subj : Chat RECEIVED PERMIFIED A pigan is what a pithagorian gags on after he buys it in a polka. This is a little known religious observance held on the third Tuesday after the first freeze in the Southern southern hemisphere. Now to take part in the services you have only to show up with your own personal pigon. But formerly, a robin reb blest chose the proper polka picante pigante. This ritual is so obscure and exclusive you will only hear of it after death. And an invitation to participate is extended only after beatificatiion. MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY HACK MAN ON 10/08/93 AT 17:37:39 Comments : OBFUSCATED=25 Message # 286. Date: 10/06/93. Time: 22:50:08. Read 79 Times. From : Number Two To : Erisians Subj : Mukor Rules this Galaxy PERMIFIED HOW TO TELL IF YOU'VE LIVED BEFORE Ever since Shirley Maclaine told the world that she had discovered she was once raised by a Bull Elephant, raped as a nomad from Mongolia, and abducted by an Eagle and deposited with a primitive African family, the pursuit of past lives has become one of the New Age's most popular and pricey pastimes. The (t)ruth is, there's no need to spend half of your life (and disposable income) trying tofind out whether you've lived before. If you have, you have. Water under the Cosmic bridge Nonetheless, for you die-hards who simply must know before you go again (and any mildly curious skeptics), the following Pesonal Reincarnation Quiz (PRQ) has been designed to simplify the process. Answering "yes" to any of the following PRQ questions means you probably have lived before. Answering "yes" toall of them means you can be sure of it! Your Personal Reincarnation Quiz _________________________________ 1. When perusing a map, do you find yourself looking for the shortest route to India ?? 2. Whenever you see a fire, do you feel like playing a fiddle ?? 3. Do you secretly believe the Earth is flat ?? 4. Do you experience nostalgia when seeing Mayan, Aztec, Greek, or Roman ruins ?? 5. Have you ever had the urge to fly a kite in a thunderstorm ?? 6. Are you afraid to walk into a garage on St. Valentine's day ?? 7. Do you frquently remind yourself or someone else ?? 8. Do you frequently forget who you are ?? 9. Instead of watering your lawn, do you do a rain dance ?? 10. Do you remember the Alamo, vividly ?? 11. Do you remember the Venus De Milo....with arms ?? 12. Are there rust spots on your aura ?? (please send Answers to Renensco Blue) Be Seeing You ?? MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY HACK MAN ON 10/08/93 AT 17:38:11 Comments : HAHAHA=100 PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 287. Date: 10/07/93. Time: 00:21:16. Read 74 Times. From : YellowBeard To : all Subj : Please, PERMIFIED Don't litter. MOVED FROM "THE SOAP BOX" BY HACK MAN ON 10/08/93 AT 18:08:48 Message # 288. Date: 10/07/93. Time: 22:22:35. Read 66 Times. From : Acdha Rmiss To : YellowBeard Subj : Please, PERMIFIED Yeah! Stop posting... MOVED FROM "THE SOAP BOX" BY HACK MAN ON 10/08/93 AT 18:08:58 Comments : ZZZZZZZ=1 BOG ME=1 Message # 289. Date: 10/10/93. Time: 15:37:13. Read 73 Times. From : Ghost To : Gravebuster Subj : DOINKNOBICITY RECEIVED PERMIFIED Doinknob City. Wordsmith, turn the doinknob and open the door to all possibilities found in the city at the end of time. MOVED FROM "STORY BOARD" BY HACK MAN ON 10/12/93 AT 18:22:19 Comments : OBFUSCATED=1 Message # 290. Date: 10/04/93. Time: 22:36:39. Read 85 Times. From : Number Two To : SKURKEY Subj : Warhol said it would happen.... RECEIVED PERMIFIED THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE ERISTOCRACY By Lord Omar Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of the Chao; It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now Gathered in discussion of the dropping of the bomb; Her Apple Corps is strong! Grand (and gory) Old Discordja; Grand (and gory) Old Discordja; Grand (and gory) Old Discordja; Her Apple Corps is srtong! She was not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak; So She threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd t'other cheek! O it cracked the holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak; Her Apple Corps is strong! Be Seeing You ?? MOVED FROM "THE TAVERN" BY The Music Man ON 10/14/93 AT 03:23:52 Comments : HUH?=1 BRAVO!=23 PROMOTE ME=137 #290. Message # 291. Date: 10/19/93. Time: 09:21:50. Read 73 Times. From : HACK MAN To : Stranger Subj : Uhhh... RECEIVED THE ONLY THING WRONG IS THE WORD WRONG. C- - - MOVED FROM "Pneumatic Roos" BY Mojo IV ON 10/19/93 AT 14:55:17 MOVED FROM "The BOg of Eternal Stench" BY Number Two ON 10/19/93 AT 19:09:29 Comments : BOG ME=1 PROMOTE ME=34 Message # 293. Date: 10/14/93. Time: 02:14:51. Read 62 Times. From : The Music Man To : Ghost Subj : Definately... RECEIVED PERMIFIED I found a back dorr that is never locked, the way to access it is to find the 3,141,592,653,589th decimal place of pi (which is written on the wall of the pi room) and turn it, for it is also a door gnob. As you turn it, a trap door will open beneath your feet as you plummet down a chute and into the depths of the bog of eternal stench. You will find yourself on the deepest underground caverns of the bog of eternal stench (where the stench is manufactured), consisting of mazes and tunnels thick with methane, carbon monoxide, sulphur dioxide, propane, and nitrous oxide gases. For this reason, you may wish to refrain from breathing. Anyway, you head through the caverns in the direction of the signs that say "THE WEIRD BOARD IS NOT THIS WAY", until you come to a round manhole cover with the inscription "THIS IS NOT IT", and then you stand on it. After standing on it for about 5 minutes, jump up and down pi times, turn around in one full circle, and fart. The cover will lift you up to another level of the retreat, where the stench no longer hangs in the air. This would probably be a good time to continue breathing again. You will find yourself in a long corridoor, and you will walk down it in the direction where the wall isn't. There will be many doors, but you must be careful which one you enter into. If you pick the wrong one, you may be exorcized by gravebusters delf (which we keep locked up at all times, lest it rebuke the rest of ourdelves), or you may encounter an old dillusionist who went sane one day, and is being locked up for their own insanity, or else you may end up falling into the Bog proper (which supposedly has permanent effects), or you could get mauled and killed by herds of snyads, or you may encounter Hack Man's private bathroom (and die (yes again) from a fate worse than Bog water), or you might open the closet where we keep all of gaviscons old posts (and be ascphfickxiated by an avelanche of verbosity, or you may find the Blah Room (a sub that didn't go over very well) and die (yes, again) of boredom, or else you could wander into Elvis's rumpus room (where we keep him well fed) and learn why they REALLY called him "Elvis The Pelvis", and you could even accidentally stumble into the Penguin Patio where you would be consumed in a frenzy of feeding penguins, so I would suggest that you find the one that is marked correctly. It will say "THIS ISN'T IT EITHER", which should not be mixed up with the various other doors similarly marked, so you don't want the one that says "THIS ISN'T IT", nor the one that says "THIS IS NOT IT", nor the one reading "THIS IS NOT IT EITHER", nor "NOT THIS ONE", nor "NOT THIS ONE EITHER", and especially not the one that says "THIS IS IT". When you come to the right door, be sure to close it before you enter into it. This gives it a sense of purpose, and keeps it from fretting about its lack of use. If it refuses to open again, or gives you any other problems, just kick it. Don't mind it if it starts bleeding, it only does that to make people feel guilty. Once you have passed through the door (ethereally or physically), turn around and walk out the door again, and look directly across the corridoor, and you will see a door with a sign on it that says "DO NOT ENTER". Immediately kick this door (it has a bad attitude, and you have to show it who is boss) and open it up. Keep in mind that you must follow the directions printed on the door, so you do not want to enter through it, instead, turn around and walk backwards, this will give it the impression that you have exited instead of entered (its not a very smart door), and be sure to close it in front of you, otherwise it will close on its own when you turn around and smack you in the back on its way shut (it seems to enjoy this). When you have closed the door again, be sure to kick it once more (just for good measure). You will find yourself in a large room containing several large tigers (have no fear, they think they're kumquats), which you will need to converse with until you find the one that does not think it is a kumquat. This one thinks it is a fig. Look him in the eye and say "You're not a fig, you're a kumquat" and he will pass through an infinitely small crack in space, at which point you need to grab his tail (which he will say is his vine) and allow him to pull you through the crack, where you will arrive in the weird room securely fastened to a tigers tail. Let go of his tail, and he will immediately turn into a fig, which, for no good reason whatsoever, resembles a tiger. Ignore the fig and get weird, and for absolutely no apparent reason whatsoever, the fig will vanish in thin air, leaving nothing but thick air in its wake. But, then, you could always do something weird... MOVED FROM "THE WEIRD BOARD" BY Ghost ON 10/20/93 AT 20:06:16 Comments : HAHAHA=43 OBFUSCATED=43 PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 294. Date: 08/06/93. Time: 00:23:08. Read 97 Times. From : Zaphraud To : ALL Subj : In 20 Years... PERMIFIED HACK MAN Will be with a really short petite blond nymphomaniac with hair that goes down to her butt, named candy. He will live in camarillo, hosting many major parties. MOJO IV Will be settled down comfortably with another slug, happily TMM Will be teaching kids how to disguise a bong as a plant vase to hide it from their parents at RMHS. NUMBER 2 Will be the same kewl guy as always. STRANGER Will pioneer a penile regrowth process and stun the medical world. STRANGER's Will get rich selling their stories of STRANGER's amazing GIRLFRIENDS regrowth and new sexual prowress. more later MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY Gravebuster ON 10/21/93 AT 08:30:19 Comments : HAHAHA=23 BRAVO!=134 PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 295. Date: 09/20/93. Time: 16:25:00. Read 75 Times. From : Ghost To : The Music Man Subj : hell RECEIVED PERMIFIED A lox is a disguised fish. To understand who it is, read "lox" backwards: "xol" pronounced as it would be in Spanish becomes "sol". There you have it, lox is soulfish. And those who can afford to purchase lox for their bagels never share and are very soulfish people. MOVED FROM "Ye Olde Obfuscatoreum" BY Gravebuster ON 10/21/93 AT 14:24:37 Comments : HAHAHA=100 PROMOTE ME=1 Message # 296. Date: 03/23/93. Time: 23:32:16. Read 72 Times. From : Arwen Undomiel To : Stranger Subj : Taking care of busy Ness. RECEIVED PERMIFIED Ah Stranger! You have hit on the ylem! I yisse your ability as a sesquipedalian. If HM were not a solipsist, I wonder if you would be so. But that directly correlates to the Big Toe's admitted theomania. I dare not grow superexcrescent, as you may become subderisorious with me, but I would be considered steatopygous and a yirner if I had allowed your post to go unanswered and you would think me a slubberdegullion. I do pose a query: Do you share Racer X's love of recidivism? Or is it nullibiety you crave? I have often been curious, but then I am rather rampallion, as I hope you would agree, as I dispise anything remotely quotidian. I wonder if it correlates with my parturate state? We should be cautious, or this may be considered palinoia, and since you have heretobeforehand set the paradigm, I will aquiesce